Dec. 4: The Plan

Ahhhhh....I love Saturdays, especially when I get to hang with my girlies in my PJs until noon.  Is there anything better than a lazy morning, slowly sipping coffee for hours and just hanging out with the people you love?  This morning, my friend's boy came over and hung out with us.  He is a little darling, so polite!  It was fun having a little one in the house again (he's 4).  We decorated Christmas ornaments and had lunch with him and his Mommy in my cute little kitchen.

I then did some shopping for our family that we have adopted through work this Christmas.  Since I work with guys, I mostly got money instead of gifts for the family.  Hey, I can always shop, especially when all the money does not come out of my bank account!

I've made a plan.  It isn't earth-shattering or anything.  I'm simply going to do what works - and I know it works from successfully doing it before.

I'm going to weigh, measure and count. Simple and idiot-proof. I just have to do it.

My kitchen scale is out on the counter with new batteries in it.  My measuring implements are washed and ready in a bowl.  Tomorrow I will map out my meal plan, cook and pack my lunches, all nicely measured out.

I've also determined a couple of other things.  *'s comment in my post "Have You Ever Felt Beautiful?" really got me to thinking about my self-esteem.  Instead of shooting for a body like the models in Oxygen, I'm going to be inspired by people like Christina Hendricks.  I'm going to put real effort into my appearance now, instead of waiting to be skinny before I do something to my hair besides scraping it back in a bun.  I deserve to feel beautiful whatever my weight, and I intend to put forth real effort to do so.

I'm going to try really hard not to sweat the actual pounds.  I've always liked myself voluptuous, but felt pressured to be thinner.  I remember a day in my late 20s.  I wore this clingy navy blue dress and men flirted with my all day long.  I was about 170 pounds at the time.  When I met my ex-husband for dinner, he criticized what I was wearing and told me that someone my size should not be wearing something fitted like that.  Of course, despite the 10 people that thought I looked great, the one that mattered caused my self-esteem to come crashing down.

I guess the lesson I (we) can learn from that, is that we can't please everyone.  The first person to please is ourselves, and then the rest, the really important people will follow.  In the immortal words of Dr. Seuss, "Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter, and those who matter don't mind."

Another picture of Christina for inspiration:

Who inspires you and makes you feel like you can be beautiful?

Dec. 3: The First Christmas Party of the Season

First of all, I want to say thank you for the warm welcome back and the offers of support.  I feel awesome just hearing from you all.  I need every ounce of accountability and support I can get to be successful in this.

Today was the first Christmas party of this year's holiday season.  It went fairly well.

I had:

Grilled chicken
Baked beans
Coleslaw (small serving)
Potatoes (small serving)
Dinner roll

I drank water instead of alcohol which kept the calories down.

Dessert, always my downfall, was less than stellar, but it could have been worse.

Small piece of cheesecake
2 cream puffs

Dinner was delicious - it's always fun to celebrate with friends and co-workers.

The rest of the day, I tried to keep cals on the low side.

Toast with a smidge of butter and cinnamon
Nonfat yogurt with protein powder, peaches and granola
Popcorn

Yeah, popcorn was not the healthiest lunch in the world, but it takes a long time to eat and I wanted to keep the calories way down since I knew dinner would not be the leanest.

I'm marking today in the "Success" column, even though some might not think it was.  The reason?

~  I was in control of the food - the food was not in control of me
~  I ate because I was hungry, not because the food was there
~  I limited my Diet Coke consumption and drank mostly water
~  I didn't eat until I felt sick, the way I have been lately
~  I didn't have ice cream (of course, I had cheesecake)

This weekend my kids go to their dad's house.  I'm going to work on organizing my tiny apartment and I am going to do some cooking for the week ahead.  We're really loving soup this winter so I think I'll do another pot of soup - what kind depends on what is on sale.

For now, we are stringing popcorn and baking gingerbread ornaments (non-edible).  The house smells divine and the kiddos are happy and feeling creative.  Life is good.

Dec. 2: Resurrecting the Blog

Today, I'm staging a resurrection of my blog.

Lately, my input has been sporadic at best.  And it's the same for my lifestyle.  I might get partway through the day eating healthy, but the least temptation causes me to cave.  I've been wondering all week how I got back to the place I am.  I realized how important this blog is, perhaps not to you, but to me: to my motivation, my education and to my resolve.

I'm taking the blog back to it's roots.  In the beginning I wrote this to keep myself accountable and to puzzle through the reason that I have never successfully dieted and kept it off.  I dedicated it to educating myself about food, and what is in the food-like substances you find in the stores, and to sharing it with you.  I traced the footsteps of my weight loss plan and my baby steps into fitness.  When I dropped back to just writing once a week, the pounds crept back on.

So today, I'm restarting this 20 pounds heavier than I was in the summer.

Today:
Height: 5'8" 
Weight: 185    + 17 pounds
Chest: 46"       + 5 inches
Waist: 35"       + 5 inches
Hips: 43"         + 5 inches

June 25th, 2010
Weight: 168
Bust: 41"
Waist: 30"
Hips: 38"

So there is five extra inches of me all the way around. Bummer.  Just to make myself feel better, I went back to the veeeeerrrrrrryyyyyyy beginning of the journey and copied those stats.

November 30, 2009
Weight: 210      - 25 pounds
Bust 46            the same
Waist 37.5        - 2.5"
Hips 47            - 3"

Well, actually it doesn't really make me feel much better.  I'm really surprised at how close the measurements are.  My body really seems to want to fluff right back up.

Anyhow, this is a new page in the journey.  One year later, hopefully much wiser, I'm re-embarking on a lifestyle change and I'm planning to make it stick this time.

I hope you all will forgive me for my semi-abandonment of my blog and help me to stay on track.  I look forward to any and all input, my friends!

I want it.  I'm done being the chubby one.  I will not give up and I won't quit this time.  When I get there, I will still keep fighting to be strong, fit and healthy.  I want it and I will get there.