Today I went bra shopping because, quite simply, my old bras are just formed cups that are half empty. They were looking funny under clothes.
I really liked my boobs before. They were moderately perky, considering that I'm over 40. They were looking hot in a good bra, all nice and round and full looking.
My old bras are 38DDs.
Today, I put my poor saggy boobies into 36Cs. Ugh. I had to basically fold them to put them in a bra. A 36C bra. Then I had the joy of looking at my mostly naked self under fluorescent lights in the three way mirror at La Senza. It was not a pretty sight.
Not only are my boobs looking droopy and wilted, to make matters worse, I have saggy skin. I realized a couple of days ago that what I thought were fat rolls are actually skin rolls. I'd rather have fat rolls because I could get rid of those. Skin rolls,will remain there in all of their gross majesty until I win the lottery and have plastic surgery.
"See the results of all that work you did?" my body hisses. "Haha - and you thought you'd be wearing a bikini next summer!"
The rolls of skin are all over my torso. They are conveniently located under my arms (think bingo wings), under the edge of my much smaller bras, and on my kangaroo baby pouch. They also line my sides giving me a muffin top without the fun of eating the damned muffin.
My torso is just sad. It looks like a sharpei. Thus the above illustration.
My boobies look like half deflated balloons, sitting dejectedly on my chest.
Not a high self esteem day, gotta tell you. Three way mirrors suck ass. I'd still like to lose some weight the good old-fashioned way, with exercise and diet, but I bet If I got rid of the abundant skin I'd instantly drop about 5 pounds as well as 1-2 clothing sizes.
I'd like to say something motivating. I'd like to tell you how happy I am that I lost the weight. I'd like to describe my happy go lucky attitude about the skin drooping around my torso and detail the great workout I had.
But that would be a steaming pile of bullsh*t.
I'm bummed. Seriously bummed.
How will I ever get naked in front of someone again? Isn't it false advertising to fold my boobs into a pushup bra, smooth out the wrinkles in my skin with Spanx and go out in a hot dress? When all the props come off, what's left is not that great.
I realized today there will be no visible abs. There will be no bikinis on the beach. Short of having surgery, there is just no way to smooth out that poor stretched sack holding my innards together.
Vanity rules.
I wanted to be healthier, sure. And I am healthier.
But I also wanted to look hot. And I'm not.
