Friday, September 24, 2010

Sept. 24: Bra Shopping

My poor, formerly fat body has been readjusting itself lately.  It looks like sh*t.  This is my body's big "eff you!" for being so out of shape for so many years.  I haven't been the same general weight for this many months in a very long time, so my body has settled in.  I look like I'm wearing a fat suit minus the stuffing.  My body is giving me the finger.

Today I went bra shopping because, quite simply, my old bras are just formed cups that are half empty.  They were looking funny under clothes.

I really liked my boobs before. They were moderately perky, considering that I'm over 40. They were looking hot in a good bra, all nice and round and full looking.

My old bras are 38DDs.
Today, I put my poor saggy boobies into 36Cs. Ugh.  I had to basically fold them to put them in a bra.  A 36C bra. Then I had the joy of looking at my mostly naked self under fluorescent lights in the three way mirror at La Senza.  It was not a pretty sight.

Not only are my boobs looking droopy and wilted, to make matters worse, I have saggy skin. I realized a couple of days ago that what I thought were fat rolls are actually skin rolls. I'd rather have fat rolls because I could get rid of those. Skin rolls,will remain there in all of their gross majesty until I win the lottery and have plastic surgery.

"See the results of all that work you did?" my body hisses. "Haha - and you thought you'd be wearing a bikini next summer!"
The rolls of skin are all over my torso.  They are conveniently located under my arms (think bingo wings), under the edge of my much smaller bras, and on my kangaroo baby pouch. They also line my sides giving me a muffin top without the fun of eating the damned muffin.
My torso is just sad. It looks like a sharpei.  Thus the above illustration.

My boobies look like half deflated balloons, sitting dejectedly on my chest.

Not a high self esteem day, gotta tell you. Three way mirrors suck ass. I'd still like to lose some weight the good old-fashioned way, with exercise and diet,  but I bet If I got rid of the abundant skin I'd instantly drop about 5 pounds as well as 1-2 clothing sizes.
I'd like to say something motivating.  I'd like to tell you how happy I am that I lost the weight.  I'd like to describe my happy go lucky attitude about the skin drooping around my torso and detail the great workout I had.
But that would be a steaming pile of bullsh*t.
I'm bummed.  Seriously bummed.
How will I ever get naked in front of someone again?  Isn't it false advertising to fold my boobs into a pushup bra, smooth out the wrinkles in my skin with Spanx and go out in a hot dress?  When all the props come off, what's left is not that great.
I realized today there will be no visible abs.  There will be no bikinis on the beach.  Short of having surgery, there is just no way to smooth out that poor stretched sack holding my innards together.
Vanity rules.
I wanted to be healthier, sure.  And I am healthier.
But I also wanted to look hot.  And I'm not.

Sunday, September 19, 2010

Sept. 19: Sunday Food Prep or How NOT To Go Off-Plan

Sunday is here and that means Sunday Food Prep.  I've gone all out because I want to stay on track this week - that track I have veered far from over the past few weeks!

I've made a pot roast with lots of yummy leftovers, baked some low fat sausages (also with leftovers) and made a broccoli, cauliflower and chicken salad.  I cooked some Mexican ground turkey for taco salad lunches too.  This week, yogurt was on sale, so I stocked up, and we have piles of fruit to add to our daily protein parfaits.

Leftovers are positively vital to nutritional success, at least for me.  If I have to start from scratch with too many meals, I will simply hit the nearest drive through - that's all there is to it!

I've made my plan.  About a week after we've moved, I'm going to start dieting again.  I've reached my initial goal, but I have further to go.  Hopefully the 10 week diet break has been enough of a shock to my system that I will be able to use a more moderate deficit and still lose.

I know the blog has been kind of dull lately - I have more ideas for it than I do time right now.  I am going to update a couple of times a week for the next little while, and then once I'm moved, I should be able to get back to the overly chatty Daisy you all know~

Love ya!