Dec. 4: The Plan

Ahhhhh....I love Saturdays, especially when I get to hang with my girlies in my PJs until noon.  Is there anything better than a lazy morning, slowly sipping coffee for hours and just hanging out with the people you love?  This morning, my friend's boy came over and hung out with us.  He is a little darling, so polite!  It was fun having a little one in the house again (he's 4).  We decorated Christmas ornaments and had lunch with him and his Mommy in my cute little kitchen.

I then did some shopping for our family that we have adopted through work this Christmas.  Since I work with guys, I mostly got money instead of gifts for the family.  Hey, I can always shop, especially when all the money does not come out of my bank account!

I've made a plan.  It isn't earth-shattering or anything.  I'm simply going to do what works - and I know it works from successfully doing it before.

I'm going to weigh, measure and count. Simple and idiot-proof. I just have to do it.

My kitchen scale is out on the counter with new batteries in it.  My measuring implements are washed and ready in a bowl.  Tomorrow I will map out my meal plan, cook and pack my lunches, all nicely measured out.

I've also determined a couple of other things.  *'s comment in my post "Have You Ever Felt Beautiful?" really got me to thinking about my self-esteem.  Instead of shooting for a body like the models in Oxygen, I'm going to be inspired by people like Christina Hendricks.  I'm going to put real effort into my appearance now, instead of waiting to be skinny before I do something to my hair besides scraping it back in a bun.  I deserve to feel beautiful whatever my weight, and I intend to put forth real effort to do so.

I'm going to try really hard not to sweat the actual pounds.  I've always liked myself voluptuous, but felt pressured to be thinner.  I remember a day in my late 20s.  I wore this clingy navy blue dress and men flirted with my all day long.  I was about 170 pounds at the time.  When I met my ex-husband for dinner, he criticized what I was wearing and told me that someone my size should not be wearing something fitted like that.  Of course, despite the 10 people that thought I looked great, the one that mattered caused my self-esteem to come crashing down.

I guess the lesson I (we) can learn from that, is that we can't please everyone.  The first person to please is ourselves, and then the rest, the really important people will follow.  In the immortal words of Dr. Seuss, "Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter, and those who matter don't mind."

Another picture of Christina for inspiration:

Who inspires you and makes you feel like you can be beautiful?

Feb. 2: Inspiration and the Road Less Traveled

What is your inspiration to become a happier, healthier you? What is that thing that keeps you plugging away, even when you would really rather pull the covers over your head?

I have a couple of inspirations. First is the fact that I want to repair the example I have set for my daughters. I have taught them by example that bingeing on ice cream and potato chips is the way to deal with your problems. This is by far my biggest regret in life - the one thing I would give my soul to do over. Since I can't have a do-over, I am hoping to teach them now by my example that when life sticks a foot out to trip you, you go over it, under it, or around it. You don't stop and say, "Well, I can't get past that foot - do we have any Oreos?" Against the odds, I intend to be the happiest, healthiest version of myself ever by the end of 2010.

Second is my late father. I want him to look down and smile at the healthy fit daughter he raised, not shake his head in sorrow that my grief over the loss of him sent me spiralling out of control.

I'm taking such a different route - maybe this is my mid-life crisis. Right now I am unemployed, overweight, and flat broke. My oldest daughter is so unhappy with the changes that have occurred in our house she is temporarily staying with her dad. But I know I have to focus past all this. I spend time every day picturing the buff 41 year old published writer I intend to be at the end of the year. I'm taking a roundabout way of getting there, but get there I will.

And in changing my future, I hope to change the future of my children, and to get a big smile from heaven.

What inspires you to make the changes you are making? What prompts you to take the next step on your journey, no matter how much you might want to stop and take a little break?