Dec. 2: Resurrecting the Blog

Today, I'm staging a resurrection of my blog.

Lately, my input has been sporadic at best.  And it's the same for my lifestyle.  I might get partway through the day eating healthy, but the least temptation causes me to cave.  I've been wondering all week how I got back to the place I am.  I realized how important this blog is, perhaps not to you, but to me: to my motivation, my education and to my resolve.

I'm taking the blog back to it's roots.  In the beginning I wrote this to keep myself accountable and to puzzle through the reason that I have never successfully dieted and kept it off.  I dedicated it to educating myself about food, and what is in the food-like substances you find in the stores, and to sharing it with you.  I traced the footsteps of my weight loss plan and my baby steps into fitness.  When I dropped back to just writing once a week, the pounds crept back on.

So today, I'm restarting this 20 pounds heavier than I was in the summer.

Today:
Height: 5'8" 
Weight: 185    + 17 pounds
Chest: 46"       + 5 inches
Waist: 35"       + 5 inches
Hips: 43"         + 5 inches

June 25th, 2010
Weight: 168
Bust: 41"
Waist: 30"
Hips: 38"

So there is five extra inches of me all the way around. Bummer.  Just to make myself feel better, I went back to the veeeeerrrrrrryyyyyyy beginning of the journey and copied those stats.

November 30, 2009
Weight: 210      - 25 pounds
Bust 46            the same
Waist 37.5        - 2.5"
Hips 47            - 3"

Well, actually it doesn't really make me feel much better.  I'm really surprised at how close the measurements are.  My body really seems to want to fluff right back up.

Anyhow, this is a new page in the journey.  One year later, hopefully much wiser, I'm re-embarking on a lifestyle change and I'm planning to make it stick this time.

I hope you all will forgive me for my semi-abandonment of my blog and help me to stay on track.  I look forward to any and all input, my friends!

I want it.  I'm done being the chubby one.  I will not give up and I won't quit this time.  When I get there, I will still keep fighting to be strong, fit and healthy.  I want it and I will get there.

Oct. 30: Fresh Start

This morning I got up and I looked at my disorganized messy apartment.  I felt full of energy this morning so I began to scrub and tidy.  Within the hour, the living room and kitchen were tidy, fresh and clean.

I started to think how this can be a symbol of your life.  If everything is a disaster and you have to hunt through your kitchen to find the can opener, are you as likely to cook a nice healthy meal from scratch or are you going to call for Chinese take out because you can't find the stove?

Hopefully the organized kitchen will encourage me to make the healthy meals that I used to always have on hand.  My kitchen scale is at the ready, waiting to weigh my healthy portions of protein servings. My pots and pans are neatly put away and I know where everything is.  I have loads of counter space for prepping fruits and veggies, instead of having to shove things over to make room for this task.

I have a hopeful energy about myself on this new day.  I feel a very fresh start coming on.  I feel in control of this outrageous eating that I have been indulging in.

I've really undone a lot of my hard work.  My weight is up to 178.  Later today I am going to weigh and measure and have a definite starting point.  I'm not waiting for tomorrow for my life to happen.

Cheers to you all and have a happy Halloween weekend!

Oct. 24: Square one...again

How many times am I going to have to start over?

As many times as it takes, I guess.

The last week has been less than stellar.  If I was an alcoholic, I would call it a relapse.  I had a food bender for an entire week and I'm scared to get back on the scale.  You couldn't even imagine the amount of food I consumed. I was tucking into it pretty much every waking moment.  I have no idea why I lost all sense of control like this.  Mentally, I'm feeling good (aside from said food bender.)  The visit with my mom was not absolutely horrible.  Work is great, life is great - I just lost it.

So, here I am again at square one, trying to keep away from the temptations that are everywhere.

Last night, I threw out all open sources of temptation.  Into the garbage went cake, cookies, chips and ice cream, all heaped together in one nauseating pile.  I even emptied out the packages and dumped ice cream on the dry goods so I would not be able to go in and dig something out.  I don't know if I would've dug something out, but the way things have been going, better to be safe than sorry.  This was my equivalent of dumping the vodka down the sink.  Bagged up and ready to go are all of the still-sealed sources of temptation.  I'll be dropping those off at the food bank when I go to the grocery store today.

Did this horrible cacophony of cravings come from some stress that I did not recognize?  Did I give myself an inch and take a mile?  Did some horrid preservative or additive trigger this awful bingefest?  Was it some dreadful combination of all of the above?

I hate that I have to start over.  I felt so successful, like I had beaten the bingeing and emotional eating once and for all.  But start over I must.  At least this time, I know what to do.

The plan is detox.  Crap food detox.

~  No sources of MSG (proven to trigger cravings in many people)
~  No processed sugar
~  Water instead of diet soda
~  Real food, prepped and easily accessible at all times
~  Brisk walk with the dog before and after work

This week, I'm not really restricting calories.  I'm counting them, keeping them under 2000, but the goal is to switch myself back to actual food, not packages of chemicals.  Rome wasn't built in a day, and neither will I be able to repair this damage in one week.

I'll be back today with the week's food prep after I check out the sales at the grocery store. Good, bad or ugly, I'm going to blog about it, because recording it makes me accountable.