July 14: Of Snot Bubbles, Eating Crow and Ice Cream

Today, I managed to cry in a pretty way.  Just delicate little tears trickling down my cheeks.

This is not a common thing for me.  Generally if I cry, my face gets red and blotchy and I start blowing a snot bubble out of one or both nostrils.  I don't know how I managed to restrain myself but I'm sure glad I did.  Perhaps controlled weeping is part of a newly acquired skill set that comes with weight loss? 

If you are wondering what the big occasion was, well, today was the day for eating crow.  I went to deal with the people to whom I owe money to tell them, I'm sorry, but I just cannot pay you the total amount.  Spin the wheel, sir, and let's make a deal.  Thankfully, my debt is not to any leg-breaking types, so I arrived home from this humbling event with all limbs intact.

I'd love to tell you everyone took pity on me, we hugged and they said, "Oh, honey, that's okay."

Nope, that only happens on Lifetime movies.  In the real world, the person to whom money is owed watches you very sternly, trying to figure out if you are a con artist or not.  Then they ask you to submit your proposal in writing and they'll get back to you.

My fingers, toes, and other extremities are crossed that they will agree to my terms so that I can put the house on the market and walk away empty-handed, but no longer in debt. 

It sucks to contemplate starting over again at the ripe old age of 41, but people do it all the time.  It scares me that I am in the same place I was eight years ago when I got divorced.  Penniless, with a very low paying job. 

However, I guess that just proved I pulled us out of it once. So I will pull us out of it again.  Why?  Because that's just what I do.

I had to have a very stern conversation with myself regarding ice cream this afternoon.  Could it be a coincidence that my favorite ice cream place is quite near the setting of my humbling experience?  Well, I finally managed to convince myself that it was indeed a coincidence, and drove home without ice cream to write this blog post for you all.

Whatever ends up happening, I'm just looking forward to the end of this process.  The stress is killing me.