Sunday, July 11, 2010

July 11: My Head's not in the Game

Well, readers, I think I have met my dietary match.

I've finally reached that point in stress where all of my good intentions are not enough to keep me on the straight and narrow.

Yesterday was supposed to be my refeed day.  I unexpectedly met up with a friend and went out to dinner, so I decided to start my refeed with that meal.  I do not do well in restaurants without previous research, I've discovered.  I chose a burger and "cactus cut potatoes."  I only ate half of the giant serving of potatoes but went for the gold with the burger. I knew I'd be a bit high in fat but nothing prepared me for the reality when I looked it up.

1,631 calories and 124 grams of fat

I paid for my sins in heartburn and indigestion for the rest of the day.  I only managed, in that vast meal, to get down 76 grams of carbs, and I felt so horrible I couldn't eat anything else for the rest of the day.  So much for a refeed - after all of that food, I fell 100 grams short of refeed carbohydrate levels.

Fast forward to today.  I'm starving.  It's 4:30 in the afternoon and I just finished my 4th meal and topped out my calories and protein for the day.  Dinner contained 9 grams of fat.  As posted in the Frequently Asked Questions section of the RFL forum, if you are eating more than 5g of fat or carbs at a meal, you are not doing RFL.

I don't know what's wrong with me.  Have I finally "hit the wall"?  Have I exceeded my personal allotment of willpower?  Is all of the constantly increasing stress just too much for me? 

I have a lot of thinking to do.  I don't want to set myself up for failure but I still have weight I want to lose.  I want to stay on this diet and be successful, but I also want to eat when I'm hungry, and have the energy to get through everything I have to deal with.

Today I accomplished a lot, as far as getting the house ready is concerned.  I hope tomorrow brings some strength as far as diet is concerned.

A lot of you have remarked on my willpower.  Well, I may have met my match now.

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