Things are not going well.
I feel like an alcoholic in a bar. Today was the free barbecue at work. It smelled incredible. There were burgers, those humongous hot dogs, chips, soda pop and ice cream.
To make matters worse, my lunch was horrible - I accidentally omitted one of the key seasonings when I was making it with one eye open this morning. I choked it down and only got myself a Diet Coke from the barbecue. Of course, that meant walking past ALL THAT FOOD.
I'm beginning to feel like a carb-starved psycho.
Everyone has proclaimed that I have such good willpower, but I have a confession to make. I really don't. I want to eat this unhealthy food with nearly every fiber of my being.
The fiber holding my being back is accountability. I have this blog, first of all. I really do not want to write on here that I caved to temptation. I also journal on a couple of different websites. Because I'm a perfectionist, I have that little bit of restraint left because I don't want to confess falling off the wagon even more than I do want that food.
But I feel like a fraud. If I truly had good willpower, I wouldn't have to fight the temptation so hard. This worries me so much - that I crave this food. Maybe I'm wrong about the fact that I have ingrained healthy eating habits now. Maybe I'm just waiting for the restrictions of diet to be over and I will immediately revert to my old ways and gain it all back.
It's a terrifying feeling.
People think I'm weird. I'm not partaking in the free food, and I think I'm the only one in the whole building who isn't. Today, at the afternoon 15 minute break, I discovered I can briskly walk two laps around the outside of the building and that takes approximately the entire time, and I can avoid the lunchroom entirely. In the morning, I'm saving half of my omelet to eat during the first 15 minute break. I wonder if anyone would notice if I ate lunch in my car.
You see? That is weird. People don't eat in their car just to be away from tempting foods and scents.
Has anyone else experienced this? What did you do when thrown into a new situation where there was temptation around every corner?
I have one more week on RFL before I am supposed to take a diet break again. Even I do have to eat lunch in my car, I will persevere. I'm NOT cheating. I have an off-plan meal on Thursday night at an awards banquet for my daughter. Aside from that, no way. I'm sticking to my plan.
I hope it gets easier. I have to get a handle on this.