Tuesday, June 8, 2010

June 8: Like an Alcoholic in a Bar

Things are not going well.

I feel like an alcoholic in a bar. Today was the free barbecue at work.  It smelled incredible.  There were burgers, those humongous hot dogs, chips, soda pop and ice cream. 

To make matters worse, my lunch was horrible - I accidentally omitted one of the key seasonings when I was making it with one eye open this morning.   I choked it down and only got myself a Diet Coke from the barbecue.  Of course, that meant walking past ALL THAT FOOD.

I'm beginning to feel like a carb-starved psycho.

Everyone has proclaimed that I have such good willpower, but I have a confession to make.  I really don't.  I want to eat this unhealthy food with nearly every fiber of my being. 

The fiber holding my being back is accountability.  I have this blog, first of all.  I really do not want to write on here that I caved to temptation.  I also journal on a couple of different websites.  Because I'm a perfectionist, I have that little bit of restraint left because I don't want to confess falling off the wagon even more than I do want that food.

But I feel like a fraud.  If I truly had good willpower, I wouldn't have to fight the temptation so hard.  This worries me so much - that I crave this food.  Maybe I'm wrong about the fact that I have ingrained healthy eating habits now.  Maybe I'm just waiting for the restrictions of diet to be over and I will immediately revert to my old ways and gain it all back.

It's a terrifying feeling.

People think I'm weird.  I'm not partaking in the free food, and I think I'm the only one in the whole building who isn't.  Today, at the afternoon 15 minute break, I discovered I can briskly walk two laps around the outside of the building and that takes approximately the entire time, and I can avoid the lunchroom entirely. In the morning, I'm saving half of my omelet to eat during the first 15 minute break. I wonder if anyone would notice if I ate lunch in my car.

You see?  That is weird. People don't eat in their car just to be away from tempting foods and scents. 

Has anyone else experienced this?  What did you do when thrown into a new situation where there was temptation around every corner?

I have one more week on RFL before I am supposed to take a diet break again.  Even I do have to eat lunch in my car, I will persevere.  I'm NOT cheating. I have an off-plan meal on Thursday night at an awards banquet for my daughter.  Aside from that, no way.  I'm sticking to my plan.

I hope it gets easier.  I have to get a handle on this.


  1. Lisa (socalhen08)June 9, 2010 at 3:59 AM

    Hi. It's not weird. I will do things to avoid certain situations where there will be tempting and tasty, albeit unhealthy and unclean, foods. I don't want to eat those things. I end up feeling bloated, gassy and just altogether nasty. The food they are eating is not NATURAL. It's not what our human bodies were originally designed to consume. For some odd reason people have a hard time with someone like you or I who try hard to stay away from those foods. It makes them feel bad, perhaps? Out of control of their own eating habits? Who knows. I think they are the weird ones, and a tad bit rude at times. Why make someone an outcast because they don't want to consume a certain food? And as far as accountability versus will power goes, I say whatever it takes. I haven't much willpower myself, so, if accountability is what it takes to keep my hand out of the cookie jar, sobeit. Just my two cents! Great post by the way.

  2. Ok first of all, you DO have good willpower. Eating healthy foods is the easiest thing for someone who hates everything but healthy foods - it takes a thousand times more willpower to walk past something that you find delicious! So definitely give yourself the credit you deserve...it was tough to walk by that food and you DID IT.

    Second I have totally eaten in my car before because I couldn't/wouldn't eat what everyone else was. It was awhile back for me and I was having money issues and couldn't spend on the Chinese takeout and pizzas that they would order, so I took my cheapy lunch and ate it in the car to avoid breaking out my credit card for food I didn't need. No biggie, and you're not weird at all for doing it!

  3. I just love this post! It speaks volumes and it so SPOT on for what I would guess is an issue for the majority of the dieting population. I think I would have made an appointment for that lunch-time so not to be
    1. tempted or
    2. noticed by co-workers for abstaining.

    I would rather eat forbidden food and account for it later than be verbally questioned about being on a diet. I hate that! If co-workers analyze your food choices on the way down the scale, doesn't that mean they also analyze your food choices on the way up???

    The car would have been my choice too IF I had to be there at all. Not wierd...dedicated!!

    GOOD JOB!!

    You did great!