I haven't written anything personal for a few days. Life has been pretty high stress for me lately. I am re-vamping my business and searching for employment, all at the same time. There have been so many things going on that I haven't had the heart to write about it.
I realized last night though, that writing about it is my therapy. It is what helps me to deal with stress and sort things out. I also think that sometimes, seeing my stress and the insights I gain from writing it out, might help some of you. If there was someone who was about to throw their hands up in the air and say, "I give up! I quit! There is too much going on for me to keep up this Clean Eating stuff!" perhaps reading what I have to say could help, even just a little. So I'll put it out there for you.
Business has been poor. I went to see a consultant last week. He recommended that I close my bead store and focus on the aspects of the business that are successful, namely, the Internet and the birthday parties. He also supported the idea of me seeking full time employment.
Financially we are in a pickle. Car payment is late, mortgage payment is just barely on time, and I only have the money to make one more payment. Because I hoard food, my pantry and freezers are full of good clean staples, so I am able to keep the grocery bills down. I've sent out more than 40 resumes in the past few days, begun cleaning out what was to be my workout room for make space for inventory, and worked on my new website.
My daughter and I have been battling each other lately, as moms and teen-aged girls are prone to doing. My ex has gotten involved as a mediator between us, which while necessary, is still darned annoying.
It has just seemed like there is no respite for all that is going on.
In the old days, this would have sent me scurrying off to Wendy's in search of a comforting triple cheeseburger and fries. For some reason, I have been forcing myself to choke down food during this time. In a way it comforts me because I feel like this is a further sign that I am conquering emotional eating. I also know that I have to eat more to keep my metabolism quick and healthy.
Here is the food for the past few two days:
M1: Tuna and crackers w/ a little light mayo (must get rid of the mayo - note to self)
M2: Salad w/ the rest of the can of tuna, Newman's OV dressing, watermelon chunks
M3:Popcorn with Parmesan
M4: Trail Mix
M5: Taco salad made w/ greens and leftover chili
M1: Whole grain cranberry English muffin, nat pb, 1/2 apple
M2: Turkey chili, Kashi crackers
M3:Shepherds pie made with ground turkey, potatoes, carrots, peas and corn
M4: a few bite of popcorn
M1: 1 slice toast w/ nat pb
M2:Chicken breast w/ steamed veggies
M3: WW spaghetti, turkey meatballs, clean marinara sauce
M4: WW cranberry English muffin, butter, cinnamon and honey
Today is looking way better
M1: The last delicious English muffin, nat pb, pear
M2: Refried beans (fat free), tomatilla salsa, multigrain tortilla chips
M3: Trail mix
M4: Pita pizza w/ g. turkey, mushrooms and onion, fresh organic mozzarella
M5: Fruit or popcorn
So I am definitely getting back on track. For exercise, I went for a walk in the woods w/ DD9 and the dog on Saturday - we tramped through a foot of snow for about 30-40 minutes - it felt great. Monday I carried 1700 (yep - you read that right) 1700 books from the upstairs room down to the main floor. I felt like that was quite a substantial work out.
Things get better - they always do, and I feel good about keeping the food clean, even if it hasn't been perfectly on track. That is something I never could have done 2 months ago so I feel like I am growing as a person even while I am shrinking (in the waist);)
Have a squeaky clean day!