Dec. 16: The Opposite of Success

I really seem to be incapable of doing anything except losing weight or gaining weight.

I had started out with new resolve to love my curves and stop trying to turn myself into some kind of skinny Victoria's Secret model.  I really felt like this would be the key to success for me - loving myself.

Unfortunately, I've actually put on three pounds over the past week and a half. Please imagine my delight to discover that I didn't just need to drink water and have a big poop.  Three official pounds adhered directly to my belly.

It seems like if I am not weighing every single bite, saying no to everything but one meager off-plan meal a week, and drinking only water, I'm gaining that weight that was so hard-lost.  If I'm not seriously dieting - hardcore, just-say-no dieting, I'm gaining.

I had gotten to my initial goal weight but as soon as I started trying to maintain, the pounds didn't just come creeping back, they jumped on and held on with the ferocity of an attacking pit bull.

So, today, I'm whining.

Accountability, despite my extreme displeasure.

Calories:  1761
Carbs: 197
Fat: 74
Protein:  77

Reality tells me that my calories cannot be as low as I think they are, otherwise I would not be gaining weight.  You need an excess of 2500 calories per week to gain one pound. 

My mistakes:

~ I haven't been weighing everything - some of it has been eyeballed
~ I've allowed myself a nibble here and a nibble there of some holiday goodies - likely more nibbles than I thought I was having
~ I am nearly sedentary because of my back injury.

So yes, today I'm whining, but I'm also getting it all out there and blasting through my excuses.  If I truly want to look good and be fit and healthy, clearly, I have to try harder.  I can worry about maintenance when I am at a weight that I'd like to maintain.  Right now, I need to lose and that is what I must focus on.

Feb. 21: Two Steps Back

I'm NOT a happy camper today. I weighed this morning before church and had the unpleasant surprise of three extra pounds. It's not my time of month - that just ended. In the cold light of day, this is the result of eating off plan FOUR times this week.

I haven't been feeling well lately. I started some new medication which has effectively killed my appetite. Although that might seem great, apparently my body hasn't realized I'm not eating much! However, that being said, what I have been eating has not been good, clean nourishing food. I ate out on four occasions, and on each of them I could have made better choices. Waaaaayyyy better choices. It's fine to do that once a week, but obviously not so fine to do it four times.

I'm so disappointed in myself. This is NOT in line with my goals. This is not the way to a healthier me! I realized today at my fourth meal out that I am allowing myself permission to fail. I promptly took the bun off my grilled chicken sandwich and farmed off half of the sweet potato fries on the kids. The rest of the day is going to be decidedly clean!

Workouts have been rotten this week too, because of the upset stomach. I've done a little something but not like I should have. I haven't pushed myself at all, and clearly that is also going to have an effect.

So the plan for this week:

Cardio every other day, push ups and crunches before coffee in the mornings, and a very clean, well planned week. NO MEALS OUT!!!!! I'm toeing the line this week. I'm going to get back on track and I'm going to meet my goal of getting out of the 190s in February.