A Future Success Story

April 24: The Day That Got Away

2011-04-24T17:46:00.000-07:00

Today kind of took on a life of it's own. I got a lot of things accomplished around the house, but food prep was NOT one of those things.

The plan is to just wing it with what I have. So with no further ado and as little effort as humanly possible:

~ Monday ~ Spaghetti bolognese for the girls and marinara for me
~ Tuesday ~ Broccoli Pizza
~ Wednesday ~ Pierogies with veggies
~ Thursday ~ Ummm..........
~ Friday ~ Burgers (veggie for me) and oven fries

Hopefully I come up with Thursday's dinner before Thursday!

I did make a delicious pot of veggie chili today and eats were far under my calorie range! All in all, a wonderful day, even if I could have used about 6 more hours in it!

April 23: Yoga and Yumminess

2011-04-23T18:38:00.000-07:00

How Do You Like Your Eggs? Chocolate please!

This morning I got up and made a breakfast that was positively decadent! I recreated some pancakes that I had a while back at IHOP. Here is the recipe.

"Cinnamon Roll Pancakes".

Filling:

1/3 cup of softened butter

1/2 cup of brown sugar

3 tbsp of cinnamon

Mix together with a fork until the combination is crumbly. Because you aren't using as much butter as most recipes, you may find that the ingredients don't mix well enough. If this happens, sprinkle a few drops of water to help with the mixing.

Cream Cheese Drizzle:

1/2 a block of light cream cheese

1/2 cup of icing sugar

1 tsp of vanilla extract

Beat this mixture until smooth. Pour into a Ziplock bag and snip off the corner when ready to use.

Make the pancakes with your favorite lighter recipe. Between each pancake, sprinkle the filling (about a teaspoon). We used three pancake per serving. The heat and moisture from the pancakes melts the filling a little. On the top, drizzle the cream cheese icing and sprinkle a little of the filling as a garnish.

This rich delicious breakfast is way less fattening than cinnamon rolls, our usual holiday morning breakfast. A 3 pancake serving is around 400 calories, depending what type of pancake recipe you use. No additional butter or syrup is necessary!

Make pancakes with the recipe of your choice.

Eats went well today, even though I was out and about all day. I got a falafel pita for lunch and a Caramel Light Frappacino from Starbucks for a snack. I did some shopping for Easter and didn't even feel tempted after my yummy breakfast satisfied my sweet tooth. I got a new lunch pail which always makes me a little happier to pack my lunches!

The girls are gone to their grandparents for the rest of the weekend, so I'm on my own. Tomorrow I will do my cooking for the week and attempt to be very organized!

April 22: VERY Good Friday

2011-04-22T15:49:00.000-07:00

Why was today such a GOOD Friday?

Besides the usual religious reasons, and the fact that it is Earth Day, I had a really good weigh in. I lost 3 pounds this week and am under the dreaded "deuce" again.

Yesterday and today were pretty much write-offs. I had a great plan yesterday and then I got into the cookies that a co-worker brought to share. (I think she secretly hates me.) Cookies and ice cream are my dietary nemises. They also tagged in their friend "Barbecue Fritos." It was a WTH kind of day. Today hasn't been quite as bad but it was far from stellar.

So deliciously addictive!!!

We went to the movies and saw "Hop" - it was a very cute movie. I was saved from a total pig out on popcorn when the little kid next to me hurled all over the floor partway through the movie. Popcorn lost it's charm after I saw it partially digested.

Something very nice has been a day of getting along. My girls and I had a day without arguing and I didn't even have the urge to sell any children to the first passing gypsy caravan. I've managed to cap my eats at 1700 not-so-nutritious calories so I am not going to beat myself up.

The keys for me this week were:

~ Planning my eats the night before, including weighing portions and calculating calories.

~ Allowing some room for ice cream or crunchy salties throughout the day

~ Drinking mostly water - soda pop really seems to trigger me to eat more junk. Doritos just aren't as tasty with a glass of water instead of a Diet Coke.

~ Taking extra servings of fruit with me to work to help offset the munchies.

Tomorrow the kiddos are going to visit their grandparents for a couple of days. I plan to do some big batch cooking for healthy meals throughout the week. Organization is KEY!

April 19th: One of These Days is Not Like the Others

2011-04-19T16:57:00.000-07:00

Today was a little good, a little bad.

I got totally off-track but I figured out why.

If I don't take a lunch I'm happy about, I simply won't eat it. I didn't have a very good breakfast and I was very short on protein today.

I ended up eating way too much junk today and ended up with 2159 calories. Less than stellar.

My goal for tomorrow is to up the protein - A LOT!

I need to start off by having protein at breakfast - I am going to boil some eggs. I also need to plan my eats the day ahead so that I stay in my realm of calories. (I'm shooting for anywhere between 1200-1600 in a day.)

Today I had:

~ humongous muffin, glass of skim milk
~ yogurt (ff)
~ bean burrito and nacho chips
~ bag of microwave popcorn
~ mini bag of Crispers
~ baby carrots
~ leftover eggplant parmesan on whole wheat bread, a handful of chips

I'd really like some ice cream, but I'll do without it for this evening. Did I mention that my freezer holds a delectable creation called Drumstick Ice Cream. Little bits of chocolate dipped cone...vanilla.....oops....*shakes head to get rid of the image*

Tonight I'm going to boil a big pot of eggs for a quickie breakfast that I can eat at my desk, and I'm going to add more fruit to my days.

Here's to a learning experience and a successful tomorrow!

April 18: Ick

2011-04-18T17:45:00.000-07:00

Nothing keeps one's caloric intake on track like the stomach flu! Today I was only around 1100 calories. I'm sure (TMI ALERT) I expended at least half of that in the rest room in one way or the other.

I'd post eats but they consisted of most crackers and other dry crunchy items. Boooooring.

Back tomorrow with a more interesting post!

Square One

2011-04-17T06:37:00.000-07:00

Well, here I am, nearly a year later, almost back at Square One. I'm just over 200 pounds. I seem to be great at losing weight and horrible at maintaining the loss.

Set backs don't just knock me back a step or two - it seems like they hit things out of the park for me.

Last October, we lost our home and our car. No real harm, in the grand scheme of things. We don't live in a cardboard box and we have a different car (one almost as old as my teenage daughter, but wheels and a working motor.)

When we moved out of the house, I hurt my back. Badly. I herniated two discs, which completely eradicated my exercise program. More than six months later, I'm still struggling with the injury. I'm working hard to find a program that doesn't worsen the pain.

I'm back at work, full time, thank the Lord. I have a job I love, but it's high stress and that triggers me to shovel in the food that is abundantly present.

Biggest of all, and the worst of the stressors, has been the death of my children's father. We did not get along. There was not a lot of love lost between us. However, it was somewhat sudden, my girls found his dead body and were subsequently traumatized. They are devastated and their lives have changed forever. My oldest has moved back in with me. My heart just breaks for them and home life can be very tense. As always, food is the "blankie" of choice for me.

Obviously, I've lost these 35 pounds before. I know how to get rid of them. I know the lifestyle I need and want to live. I know how I want to feel and how I want to look. I know that accountability is necessary for me. I know that it is TIME.

So today marks the day that I am back at it. I am eating vegetarian now, so the foods are a bit different than before. The budget is very tight, so things will look a little different than the last time around.

I will be planning my meals for the week, cooking ahead of time, and eating clean. I'm counting calories and staying accountable. I can't tell you how many times I have considered starting up the blog again because I really missed writing it. But the timing was wrong.

Please forgive me for disappearing on you all. I hope you will stick with me as I backtrack through this journey again.

^ I think this must be a photo of ME ^

Jan. 25: Still vegging out!

2011-01-25T15:47:00.000-08:00

Sorry - I missed the big weigh-in post on Sunday. I'm now down to 189. That is 3 pounds in the week and a bit that I have been a vegetarian.

This, of course, makes me ecstatically happy. I've caved a few times and had some junk food, but none with meat. I think just removing the meat and replacing it with other protein sources has been enough to allow me a little leeway on the salty-crunchies.

This week, I had a meal plan but it's shot to heck because my baked beans were gross. So, I've recreated my meal plan and I'm including a recipe.

Tuesday: Baked mac and cheese
Wednesday: Bean burritos with green chilies and tomato salsa
Thursday: Leftover mac and cheese, steamed broccoli
Friday: Broccoli pizza

I had to work late tonight so we had leftover baked mac and cheese. Here is my high protein recipe for it:

1 bag of pasta, cooked (we used wide egg noodles)
1 can of cream of whatever soup (we used c of mushroom)
1 tub of low-fat or fat-free cottage cheese
1 handful of shredded sharp cheddar cheese
2 eggs (optional)
Seasoning salt to taste

~ Mix all ingredients except the pasta in an oven proof container. Preheat oven to 350*F
~ Gently stir in pasta and bake at 350 for 35 minutes.
~ Let it sit for 10 minutes to thicken.

Makes 6 generous servings.

You can add meat and veggies to this if you'd like and turn it into more of a casserole - we usually just have it plain with a veggie on the side. My daughters absolutely LOVE this mac and cheese and go back for seconds and thirds.

So, I'm loving the veggie thing and as I read more and more about it, I'm really glad I've made the change for so many reasons.

One thing I noticed that is sort of funny is this:

Sometimes my 10 year old comes home from school and says, "Mom, the kids made fun of my lunch because I had a blood orange - they said it was disgusting and called me a vampire" or "Mom, the boy sitting next to me said my stir-fry looked gross."

I work with a bunch of guys. I didn't make a big deal out of going vegetarian but they've noticed. You should hear all the stories they tell me about :
~ vegetarians they know who dropped dead of a heart attack
~ it's God's plan for us to eat meat
~ don't you want a big juicy steak?
~ did you know that plants die too, just like animals - your broccoli screamed when they picked it

The list could go on and on, but it makes me laugh to realize I work with a bunch of 40 year old 5th graders!

I hope you are all having a wonderful and productive week!

Jan. 22: How long before it's official?

2011-01-22T04:34:00.000-08:00

Tomorrow it will be one week since I stopped eating meat. I've noticed a few differences during this week.

1.) It seems easier to say "no thanks" to food if I choose to now. I feel like I have willpower again.

2.) I don't feel guilty when I say "yes" to food. I went to a party yesterday and had cake and enjoyed every bite without guilt because the rest of my day was moderate in calories.

3.) It's way easier to keep my calories lower when I don't eat meat.

4.) It makes it way tougher to find a drive-thru to hit. The only thing I can think of that I could eat in the car would be a bean burrito from Taco Bell, which, when compared to an Angus Bacon Burger with Cheddar and fries, seems like a pretty reasonable choice. In fact, I ate at home all week except for work functions.

I wonder how long before I can officially call myself a vegetarian? Two weeks? A month? It seems sort of premature to do it right now. I can tell you though, I have no craving whatsoever for meat, which, while it really surprises me, makes life much easier.

Tomorrow is weigh-in day - wish me luck!

Jan. 18: Another Day in Paradise...

2011-01-18T17:10:00.000-08:00

And yet another day on the veggie wagon - woohoo!

I really hope this helps the weight loss battle. I am feeling better digestively today, thank goodness! My gosh - that was pretty rough.

Today's Eats:

~ WW English muffin, natural pb ~

~ FF yogurt, protein powder, blueberries, granola ~

~ baked veggie rotini w/ spinach and mushrooms, tomato sauce ~

~ quiche w/ spinach, cheddar and mushrooms ~

No soda pop and no excess sugar today! I'm especially pleased with that because two people brought in donuts and one brought in cookies. All I had was one donut hole and felt perfectly content with that. BIG CHANGE! Being broke and having no money for junk food helps, but I realized by eating vegetarian, it rules out a lot of things - trips through McDonald's drive thru for example. Unless I feel like french fries are a reasonable lunch, there just aren't too many "eat-in-the-car" options.

I'm staying off the scale for a week - not easy since I tend to be a daily weigher-inner!

Happy Tuesday - one day closer to the weekend~

Jan. 17: Day 2 in Veggieworld

2011-01-17T17:16:00.000-08:00

A successful day 2 today!!! Even with the company buying dinner I stuck to a plan - hooray!

I've had so much trouble getting on the wagon of any kind of food plan that I'm thrilled to get through day 2. I know, 2 days isn't long to stick with something but for the way things have been going for me lately, it is a cause worthy of celebration!

Today's Eats:

~ whole wheat English muffin w/ natural pb, skim milk
~ fat free yogurt w/ protein powder, blueberries, granola
~ egg salad sandwich on whole wheat, baked potato chips
~ eggplant Parmesan (no pasta), half a roll

When I look at this, I see that I need to up the actual fruits and veggies. My original lunch was a veggie pasta dish but when I learned dinner was Italian food, I wasn't dying for it twice in one day.

My tummy is rebelling a little bit, however. I spent a bit more time, ahem, (tmi alert) in the bathroom than usual today. I hope this part goes away soon - or perhaps it is my key to weight loss success!

Jan. 16: New Plan...Again

2011-01-16T11:45:00.000-08:00

Yet again, I have a new plan of action.

First of all, I'm sorry that I'm sucking so much at blogging. While I realize that blogging has been a key to success for me up until now, I've had a lot on my plate lately and it's been hard to put my personal stuff aside and concentrate on this.

Years ago (15 to be exact) I had been a vegetarian for 5 years. I was at my all-time healthiest and most fit with very little effort whatsoever. I'm sure that maintaining at age 41 vs. maintaining at age 25 will not be quite as carefree, but I'm ready to try anything.

For many reasons, I've been toying with becoming a vegetarian again.

~ The Environment ~

~ Health ~

~ Animal Welfare ~

~ Weight Loss ~

~ Economic Reasons ~

Not necessarily in that order.

So this week's meal plan is a little different and I have photographic evidence of it. Because my 10 year old daughter is an athlete and not a vegetarian, I did some prep for her including meat. We'll see how things go - we as a family will have several vegetarian days a week, but I'm not going to insist she follow my lead.

Oh, by the way, before we get into the week's meal plan, I didn't lose this week but I didn't gain either. Considering Thursday's (or should I call it Cookieday's?) fiasco, I'm content with that.

Our nicely prepped eats for the week:

I bought a package of tart shells at the grocery store today to make life easier - I'm going to work on making my own for next time. With the shells, I made wee little spinach quiches for me and beef pot pies from leftover beef stew for the little one.

I made a big batch of baked rigatoni (vegetarian) which we enjoyed today with garlic bread. (recipe below)

For quick sandwiches I made devilled egg salad (recipe for this as well). I haven't made it yet, but I'm going to finish off this evening by making a broccoli cauliflower salad. I have some chicken breast made for my daughter and she can eat the other stuff as side dishes. I have to limit the eggs for my daughter, as she is mildly allergic.

Baked Rigatoni

2 cups of cooked whole wheat pasta

1/2 a container of low fat cottage cheese

1 package of chopped spinach (thawed)

Finely chopped mushroom, onion and garlic to taste

1 can of pasta sauce

Shredded cheese of choice

1 egg (optional)

Olive oil

Parmesan or Romano cheese

In a large baking dish, coat the sides lightly with olive oil for an easier clean up.

Meanwhile, heat the oven to 375*F

On the stove top, saute all the veggies until lightly browned and fragrant.

In a large bowl, mix cottage cheese, shredded cheese, and egg, if using.

After all is prepared, mix everything but the Parmesan in the baking dish. Bake at 375* for 45 minutes. Top with the grated Parmesan or Romano and return to the oven, heat turned off, for 10 more minutes. Serve while hot and delicious.

Devilled Egg Salad

6 eggs, hard boiled

1 tsp honey

1 tbsp yellow mustard

1 tbsp light mayo

seasoning salt to taste

Chop the hard boiled eggs and add the other ingredients. Stir lightly with a fork to mix. Spread on bakery fresh buns or bread and top with lettuce and tomato.

Jan. 9: Drumroll....

2011-01-09T16:15:00.000-08:00

Finally, the scale is moving downward.

I can't believe how quickly I gained back 22 pounds. Apparently, the physics law of weight goes like this:

Weight goes on twice as fast as it comes off.

So finally, at long last, I've actually lost two pounds.

How, you ask?

Simply by not eating anything that did not come from my own kitchen. I didn't eat any takeout all week, which nearly killed me. Also, I'm eating fruit for an afternoon snack. So far, so good! Another change I made? I only had a half of a Diet Coke all week - otherwise I've been sticking to water.

This weekend was tough - I had a wedding shower to go to. Social stuff makes me very anxious, so a stuffed in a few handfuls of cinnamon hearts to bolster my courage. I have to confess, I ate with some reckless abandon when I got there, too. I ate cake and dammit, it was delicious.

Back in the saddle now for supper tonight, though - something simple from my kitchen!

Meal planning for this week is off to a rough start, however. I had to work all day Saturday, I finished making my gift for the bride (a recipe and meal planning book, done scrapbook style) Saturday night and Sunday morning, and then went to the shower all afternoon. I'm way to much of a homebody to consider this a weekend, gotta tell you. My house is less than tidy since I had no spare time and I got absolutely NO cooking done. I feel pretty stressed about this. I did 3 rounds of Flylady cleaning when I got home, and that helped a little. I'm going to do one more round during commercials in DD10's ~~disaster~~ room.

Monday

Crock Pot roast beef, mashed potatoes, green beans

Tuesday

Beef and Broccoli Stir Fry

Wednesday

Mexican Pizza

Thursday

Salad with Roasted Chicken

Friday

Enchiladas (I have the day off!)

So the week hinges on getting that roast in the crock pot in the morning! Everything else on the menu is from items I already have in the cupboards or freezer. Wish me luck, my friends!

Jan. 2: I've been thinking....

2011-01-02T12:14:00.000-08:00

I didn't post New Year's Resolutions yesterday.

I have more changes than a blog post could hold that I am hoping for this year. I've been trying to cull it down to a few simple items so I don't overwhelm myself.

So here they are, in no particular order.

1.) I plan to reduce my "stuff" by 50% this year.

2.) I plan to lose 20 pounds by my birthday, April 5.

3.) I plan to get control of my finances, once and for all.

Really, all of these boil down to the same thing: self control. I need to stop buying things just because they are on sale and stop saving things in case I need them. I need to limit dessert and other treats to an occasional indulgence and stop using them as Zanax. I need to stop the hemorrhage of money from my bank account so I can live without the overwhelming, sickening stress of wondering how rent will be paid and how food will be purchased.

When I am feeling stressed, which has been a lot lately, all sense of control flies out the window. Then I become fat, broke and messy. This is obviously pretty counter-productive. Spending money on junk food because I'm broke? No logic there. This is my pep talk to myself, and possibly to some of you who struggle with the same issues.

We are still relying heavily on turkey this week. The kids are off from school and we will be eating three meals a day from home all week. This meal plan will encompass two of those meals.

Sunday:

Turkey Sandwiches, baked chips

Turkey, gravy, mashed potatoes and garlic green beans, whole wheat rolls

Monday:

Personal Pizza, Salad

Turkey Fried Rice, steamed veggies

Tuesday:

Mexican Pizza

Broccoli Cheese Soup, Garlic Bread

Wednesday:

Cheese and Crackers, veggies

Garlic Roast Beef, Potatoes, and Carrots

Thursday:

Turkey Noodle Soup

Leftover Buffet

Friday:

Leftovers

Turkey Burgers and Sweet Potato Fries

After this, the rest of the turkey is just going to have to stay frozen for a while. It could be a mighty battle to get the kids to eat the turkey-filled menu from above! The good news this week? My grocery bill was only $40!

Jan. 1: Meal Planning 101

2011-01-01T06:21:00.000-08:00

The key to eating properly is preparation. I find that most of us fall off the wagon when we aren't prepared. Hunger is a powerful motivator to grab something at Taco Bell's drive-thru. I find that if I make a bunch of basics all at once then there is always something to grab quicker than you can say "Happy Meal"!

This is a revamp of a post I wrote almost exactly a year ago - Jan. 2, 2010. Clearly, this plan has worked for over a year for us!
Once a week I do a big food prep and usually there is a little more cooking once or twice a week. I like to have certain basics on hand so that I can put a meal on the table (or in the cooler) in a snap.

I always have the following items prepared because I can change up the flavors and have many different types of meals according to how the day is going:

soup stock

baked brown rice (recipe below)

cooked chicken breasts

veggie steamer bags (instructions below)

ground meat (usually turkey or chicken, sometimes beef) (recipe below)

some type of salad

I always have these staples on hand:

canned beans

salsa

whole wheat pita bread

frozen corn

cilantro

yogurt

whole wheat pasta

canned spaghetti sauce

tomato juice and tomato paste

baby spinach

eggs

raisins
nuts

natural peanut butter

crackers

frozen fruits and vegetables

a nice organic granola

This is the stuff that works best for my family and our particular tastes. You have to balance this out with your own family's favorites. For example, f you detest yogurt, clearly that isn't a good option.

Steamer Bags of Veggies:

My kitchen would not be complete without steamer bags full of veggies. As soon as I get home from the grocery store, all veggies that are to be cooked over the week get washed and prepped for cooking (cut up, peeled, etc.) Then the veggies are placed in steamer bags with a sprinkling of Mrs. Dash or other seasonings. I always have several in the fridge to choose from. Right now in my fridge I have bags of : cabbage, broccoli, broccoli and cauliflower, cauliflower and carrots, asparagus, and green beans and carrots. They get nuked for 4-6 minutes and then are all set. (Note: in the winter when produce is very pricey and not so fresh, I substitute frozen veggies for fresh - you can still use the steamer bag method, or you can just nuke them in a covered dish.)

If I am in a hurry ( which is most of the time) I steam the veggies before adding them to the stir fry skillet - it really speeds things along!

Mexican Ground Meat

1 pound of ground meat ( lean beef, chicken breast or turkey breast)

1/4 cup diced onion

2 cloves of minced garlic

chili powder to taste

1/2 can of tomato paste (or a squirt of ketchup)

Saute veggies in a bit of olive oil. Add meat and cook until browned. Add chili powder and stir in tomato paste. Thin with water if necessary. Cook for a couple of minutes until blended. This mixture is good for a quick taco filling, spaghetti sauce, or chili. It is also good stirred into rice and topped with salsa for an all in one dish.

Baked Brown Rice

This recipe is a modified version of Alton Brown's Baked Brown Rice - you can check out Alton's version at this link.

1 1/2 cups of brown/wild rice mixture
2 1/2 cups of homemade stock (you can use an organic canned chicken broth - you don't want MSG!)

1 cup of baby spinach

1/2 cup carrots

2 cloves garlic

sea salt and black pepper to taste

Preheat oven to 375F. Bring stock to a boil on the stove. I use a pot that can go in the oven to make things easier. While boiling stock, put spinach, carrots and garlic into the food processor and pulse until it is coarsely ground. Add the veggie mixture and the rice to the pot and immediately put the lid on it to seal it tightly. Place this in the oven for exactly one hour and you will have a big pot of perfect fluffy rice.

I usually have my chicken breasts baking on the other rack in the oven at the same time.
With the rice you have a side that goes with any meal: Mexican, Chinese, Greek - it is very versatile. It's also delicious in a soup.

Here is a list of meals that can be quickly put together using the above foods:

~ chicken and broccoli stir fry over rice ~

~ rice and chicken skillet with salsa ~

~ pita sloppy joes with ground meat ~

~ spaghetti with meat sauce ~

~ Mexican meat and rice ~

~ chicken soft tacos ~

~ ground meat soft tacos ~

~ chili ~

~ chicken vegetable soup with rice or noodles ~

~ chicken cacciatore with pasta ~

~ pita pizza with chicken and veggies ~

~ chicken pita w/ tzatzki and veggies ~

~ Mexican pita pizza ~

~ garden salad with chicken ~

I hope this gives you a few ideas for meal planning and food prep. This system is working really well for us. It's family friendly and best of all, there is constantly good food ready and available.

Dec. 29: And more things to do with turkey.....

2010-12-29T16:17:00.000-08:00

BBQ Pulled Turkey

1 serving per person of turkey breast

BBQ sauce of choice - I like the spicy/sweet ones

finely chopped onion, peppers, jalapenos (to taste)

In a microwave safe bowl, take two forks and shred the turkey breast until it's stringy. Stir in your chopped veggies and BBQ sauce - I like to use enough sauce to cover the top layer of turkey. Stir well and put the turkey in the microwave - heat for about two minutes per serving.

You can serve this on a bun, in a wrap or just on a plate with some salad on the side. It's some yummy stuff and bears a strong taste similarity to something you've simmered all day long!

Tomorrow's recipe is going to be turkey noodle soup - stick around for it - so YUMMY!!!!

The holiday pounds are gathering and rejoicing on my tummy, giving me a really awesome muffin top in my work clothes. You can imagine my delight.

The back issue is getting worse. I've been to the doctor, who says she is as certain as can be that I have one or more herniated discs. I declined the MRI because she said she would not be treating me any differently if I stuffed myself into that tiny claustrophobic tube. I hate the helplessness of this - I'm starting to feel like a cripple - I hobbled around all day today and bear a rather strong resemblance to Quasimodo.

I have some physical therapy exercises I can do to help, which is great - makes me feel like I'm actually accomplishing something.

I'm using heat almost constantly, which relieves some of the pain. The other options offered were heavy duty painkillers, epidural painkillers and a bunch of stuff I can't afford (massages, etc.) I've chose to stick with ibuprofen because it dulls the pain to a tolerable level and I can still function. No way are they shoving needles in my spine. Just, ew. Not gonna happen. This isn't much of an update because there is simply nothing new to tell.

I hope all is well and you are enjoying your turkey!

Dec. 27: On the Second Day of Turkey my True Love Made for Me....

2010-12-27T15:23:00.000-08:00

Okay, no true love - I made it for myself. But I have two yummy turkey leftover dishes for you!

Turkey Caesar Salad

You will need:

~ A huge bowl of baby spinach
~ A serving of turkey breast, chopped into bite-sized pieces
~ A handful of croutons of choice
~ Bacon (I use the Kirkland's bacon crumbles - kind of fattening but not as artificial as some stuff)
~ Freshly chopped minced garlic
~ Light Caesar dressing

Mix your salad dressing with the fresh garlic - this will give you a decadent, restaurant-style salad dressing (and very stinky breath). Build your salad and stir well. This is a super quick dinner!

Turkey "Fried" Rice

You will need:

A pot of baked brown rice
2 servings of turkey breast, chopped
minced garlic to taste
soy sauce
ginger
olive oil

I use my cast iron skillet for this and I always make enough so I have leftovers for lunch the next day.

In your skillet, saute minced garlic in the olive oil until golden and fragrant. Stir in your turkey and turn the heat up to high. When things are really sizzling add some powdered ginger and soy sauce and stir well. Then stir in 2 servings (based on your personal intake) of brown rice and mix well, cooking on high for about 2 minutes until the soy sauce is nicely caramelized on the mixture.

I serve this with steamed veggies and I top it with some spicy red pepper jelly that I got from Costco (so spicy/sweet and delicious!)

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Today I got so much accomplished. I tackled my 10 year old's bedroom (shudder). I took 4 garbage bags of stuff to the car to be donated tomorrow and 3 garbage bags full of, well, garbage, out of that room. It's unbelievable what a disaster it is.

I'm really trying to declutter and downsize - my car is loaded to the hilt with donations of bedding, towels, toys and kitchen items - this is all stuff I moved here in October that remained packed so I figure if I haven't needed it yet, I can live without it.

Hopefully decluttering my house will help me declutter my body. I ate well today and felt much more energetic for it. I'm back to work tomorrow and really have my fingers crossed that I will be able to stay on track.

Have a great week!

Dec. 26: Tons of Turkey!

2010-12-26T10:59:00.000-08:00

Today my kitchen has been a turkey processing plant. (Not in the yucky chemical way, of course!)

First, I sliced the remaining turkey breast and bagged up meal sized portions for the freezer. I took the remaining dark meat and carcass and portioned it out between my two stockpots and my crock pot. In each pot I added fresh whole cloves of garlic, a whole onion, a handful of carrots and a handful of spinach, as well as sea salt. Then I covered the contents with water and simmered for 8 hours. I was left with enough flavorful stock for 3 large pots of soup and 4 one-cup servings for cooking rice. Then I removed the dark meat from the bones (an easy task after simmering for that long) and bagged up three 1.5 cup servings of the meat to add when I make soup.

I don't usually make a whole turkey but this has been a learning experience. Leftover queen that I am, it thrills me to have such a full freezer! I got the 17 pound turkey from my workplace.

So what am I going to do with all that turkey?

Top 10 things to do with Turkey

~ turkey noodle soup ~

~ turkey sandwiches ~

~ turkey Caesar salad ~

~ BBQ pulled turkey ~

~ smoked turkey and bean soup ~

~ turkey salad sandwiches ~

~ turkey fajitas ~

~ turkey stroganoff ~

~ turkey "fried" rice ~

~ turkey tetrazzini ~

I bet you can guess the basis for this week's meal plan!

Sunday: Turkey Caesar Salad
Monday: Turkey "Fried" Rice with Steamed Broccoli
Tuesday: Broccoli Soup (I might need a break from all that turkey!)
Wednesday: Leftovers
Thursday: Grilled chicken pizza with the kiddos
Friday: New Year's Eve party

I'm kidless today and tomorrow - the girls have gone to their grandparent's house until Thursday. I got up and went to the early church service and then did what little grocery shopping was needed this week. I then packaged up all that turkey and managed to shove it into my thoroughly stuffed freezer and fridge, and the rest of the day will be spent purging and organizing. (God bless the Flylady!)

I started a new blog today chronicling my financial issues. Don't worry, it won't be as dismal as it sounds! There may be some cross-over, but anyone that is having, or has had, financial problems may be able to relate as I try to dig myself out of the hole and hide out from bill collection terrorists. Check me out at Life in a Pinch.

I hope everyone continues to have a wonderful holiday weekend.

Dec. 25: Merry Christmas

2010-12-25T11:16:00.000-08:00

I hope everyone is having a happy holiday ~ and that you are too busy with festivities to read this until tomorrow!

I was so excited that I woke my kids up this morning - I'm always like that on Christmas morning. We (ahem...I) got up at 6:30 to open presents.

I got a ruffled shower cap, among other things, from my wonderful girlie girls.

My wonderful, award-winning 15 year old artist gave me a framed sketch.

My lovely daughters

We had a decadent breakfast of fresh-baked croissants, fruit, chocolate dip and honey butter.

I didn't get any pictures of the turkey, but it was lovely and delicious - I now have three pots of broth simmering away for any lean days ahead. We will have some lovely turkey soup this week!

Lunch was roasted turkey, garlic green beans, and sweet potatoes - quite healthy until we got to the cookies and creme mousse cake for dessert.

Dec. 24: Holiday Guilt Edition

2010-12-24T18:40:00.000-08:00

This year, what I want for Christmas is for women to let go of the holiday guilt. Everywhere I turn, another great woman is running around like a maniac, stressing herself out to make cookies, buy presents, clean the house, prep dinner for 20 people, including 3 with different food allergies, all while holding down a full-time job.

Here is my little holiday list of things NOT to feel guilty about this year:

1.) Don't feel guilty about eating during the holidays. It's a holiday. You aren't going to eat hors dourves and a huge meal and dessert every day. Let go and enjoy it. You truly cannot eat enough during that one day to undo more than a week of progress - and that is a stretch.

2.) Don't worry about having a perfectly spotless house. In the aftermath of the present-unwrapping frenzy, any vacuuming and carpet-deep-cleaning you have done will all be for naught anyway. Try to content yourself with sanitary and generally tidy.

3.) Don't freak out about buying the "perfect" gift for everyone. My kids, even at 10 and 15, are just happy to have stuff under the tree to unwrap. If there is something they truly, desperately want, I try to make it happen. If their wishes are general, they seem to be happy with just about anything. The same goes for extended family as well. Unless you have a snobby, ungrateful jerk in your family, they will be touched by the effort that you made. And if you do have a snobby, ungrateful jerk in your family, don't worry about their opinion - it's tainted.

4.) Every bite from your kitchen doesn't have to be "from scratch". Gasp. The heresy!!! Well, here it is - I have frozen green beans for tomorrows meal and bought premade cheesecake for dessert. Take that, Martha Stewart! To top things off, my appetizers for Christmas Eve came straight from the freezer section of Costco. Everyone loved the food and I only had to stick it in the oven and take it out on time.

And since this is a weight loss blog, I want to reiterate one point: let's talk food.

Christmas and Christmas Eve come but once a year. If you have established healthy eating habits throughout the rest of the year, you won't be able to gorge yourself to the same extent as usual. Furthermore, your taste buds will have changed and you may find the foods you crave are different than the ones you craved before. But if every year, you eat Aunt Mae's homemade pierogies with bacon and sour cream, don't deprive yourself. Eat what you want tomorrow and enjoy it. The day after Christmas is soon enough to get back on plan.

Treat yourself kindly at Christmas. You've worked hard and you deserve it.

Thank you for reading my blog - it rambles, it rants, and it sometimes whines but this outlet has helped me in so many ways over the past year.

My prayer for you all this Christmas is that you may find peace and contentment. Have a wonderful holiday with those you care about.

Dec. 21: (off-topic) The Spaghetti Project

2010-12-21T15:28:00.000-08:00

Everyone who knows me in "real life" knows how strongly I feel about giving - not just at Christmas, but all the time. I'm going to veer off-topic for a weight-loss blog and talk about ways you can give without affecting your day to day life or your morning drive-thru coffee. I don't mean to preach, but I do hope to influence. This isn't about "religion" - it's about faith and love.

I've spent a few years recently being part of "the less fortunate." As many of you know, I dealt with a horrible bout of depression that left me virtually incapacitated for over a year. I had now choice but to go on welfare to feed my kids and keep a roof over our heads while I was unable to work.

Despite all of that - despite our lack of money - despite the loss of my house and car - I never actually felt "less fortunate." We never went without food - maybe we had ground beef instead of prime rib, but we were certainly not hungry. We had heat. We had a place to live. We had medical care (God bless Canada!). We still had enough that we were able to give, throughout it all.

How did we give when we were so broke? At that time, every single time I went to the grocery store, I bought one package of pasta and one can of spaghetti sauce. It cost $2. There was never a grocery trip where I could not swing $2. It might not provide a gourmet meal, but a package of pasta and a can of sauce could at least put some dinner on the table for a hungry family.

We also gave of our time - we helped elderly neighbors and people at church. We helped by watching the small children of a woman that was ill. My 10 year old pulled her wagon around the neighborhood and collected food donations for our local food bank. My 15 year old unloaded all that food and volunteered at the food bank.

Fortunately for us, we have a higher income now. We are able to give on a slightly bigger scale. Now, by no means are we rolling in money. We are still reeling financially from over a year without work. The house is in foreclosure, bill collectors call constantly and I'll be bankrupt but next Christmas. But it is all about how we prioritize the money we have now.

We participated in an adopt-a-family program at work. I always tell my kids what the Christmas budget is per person so they can adjust their wish lists accordingly. Not very sentimental, but we are a family of realists. This year the budget for my girls was $100 each. Both girls decided individually to forgo half of their gift budget so that they could buy gifts for the children of the family we adopted. I was so ridiculously proud of them for this. As a family we feel like we really made a happy holiday for another family less fortunate than ours.

I think that the key to giving is to feel content and joyful with what you have. Everyday, I count myself thankful that despite the foreclosure and impending bankruptcy, we are warm, sheltered and clothed. We have a fridge full of delicious healthy food. We truly do not lack for anything.

I don't tell you about this to "toot my horn" - please don't think that! I write this because I hope to inspire others to give, no matter what their situation. I think the Lord works a lot of miracles at Christmas (and of course, the rest of the year) but sometimes He needs some earthly angels to help.

Dec. 19: Cleaning Marathon and the Weekly Meal Plan

2010-12-19T08:57:00.000-08:00

I can't think of too many things that I like less than cleaning. It would be tough. Perhaps alligators? Snakes in the sewer system? Spiders. I definitely do not like spiders. *Shudder* But cleaning is right up there with all of those creepy crawlies.

Of course, applying this information, one might correctly ascertain that my house is a mess. An unmitigated disaster. A step away from being invaded by a film crew and unwillingly featured in Hoarders.

Okay, I'm exaggerating, but only a little. The mess stresses me right out, too. By chance, I got an email with a link to this page: Crisis Cleaning

To put it mildly, the Flylady rocks.

I've worked a couple of hours this morning and my house is far and away cleaner and tidier than it has been in a long time. I'm taking a lunch break and updating my blog and I plan to do 3 more 45 minute sessions today, which will finish up my disaster zone for the time being. It feels great to be able to open the door without cringing, should someone happen to knock.

Sunday: Smoked Turkey Breast, Broccoli, Roasted Potatoes

Monday: Spaghetti with Turkey Meatballs

Tuesday: Spinach Salad with Smoked Turkey, Garlic Bread

Wednesday: Leftover Spaghetti

Thursday: Pizza with Grilled Chicken and Veggies

Friday: ~~~~ Christmas Eve ~~~~~

I'm only planning through Thursday because I am hoping to fall into a great big puddle of money between now and Christmas - that will help me pick the weekend menu - it's all based on budget this year!

Today I am experimenting with a turkey breast I bought on sale. My goal is to make an oven-smoked turkey for Christmas day - I can only imagine savoring the lovely leftovers and soups I can make from that. I was lucky enough to get a whole turkey as a holiday bonus from my employer! I'll photograph the results tonight and if it turns out as good as I hope, I'll post the recipe.

Well, alas, back to cleaning!

Dec. 18: Saturday Morning Edition

2010-12-18T08:54:00.000-08:00

Do you have any idea how much I love my morning coffee? My favorite, most luxurious weekend mornings are spent with my entire pot of iced coffee, puttering around the house and getting small, non-strenuous things accomplished.

Today was just such a day.

Saturday Morning Perfection:

The kids slept in.

I had an entire pot of coffee.

I cooked brunch of BBQ chicken pizzas.

I had an entire pot of coffee.

I cleaned the kitchen from top to bottom and now it sparkles and shines.

I had an entire pot of coffee.

I watched 4 hours of decorating shows without listening to anyone whine, "Can I pick the next show?"

Oh, yeah - I had an entire pot of coffee.

Okay, enough of the Saturday morning joy-fest. Let's get down to the nitty gritty now.

Weight loss.

My recent gain has put me at 18 pounds to lose. I'm really terrified of gaining it all back and that is the direction I'm going.

At 170, I still have boobs and I don't look like a Shar-pei from all of the loose skin. At 165 the opposite is true. So 170 is the new goal.

Clearly, 1800 calories is too much for me to be losing weight. It shouldn't be making me gain weight, but the fact remains that it is. So 1600 calories a day with an off-plan day of 2200 calories is the goal.

That means I've gotta cut out my salty crunchies completely. Goodbye, beloved buttery microwave popcorn. I'm also cutting out the Diet Coke and switching to water (after the morning coffee is over, of course). I flatly refuse to give up my coffee. Diet Coke is tough to give up but it can be done.

Finally, I have to find a way to get some exercise that doesn't aggravate my back. I keep saying this but I'm not coming up with anything. Any suggestions will be welcome.

Dec. 16: The Opposite of Success

2010-12-16T17:03:00.000-08:00

I really seem to be incapable of doing anything except losing weight or gaining weight.

I had started out with new resolve to love my curves and stop trying to turn myself into some kind of skinny Victoria's Secret model. I really felt like this would be the key to success for me - loving myself.

Unfortunately, I've actually put on three pounds over the past week and a half. Please imagine my delight to discover that I didn't just need to drink water and have a big poop. Three official pounds adhered directly to my belly.

It seems like if I am not weighing every single bite, saying no to everything but one meager off-plan meal a week, and drinking only water, I'm gaining that weight that was so hard-lost. If I'm not seriously dieting - hardcore, just-say-no dieting, I'm gaining.

I had gotten to my initial goal weight but as soon as I started trying to maintain, the pounds didn't just come creeping back, they jumped on and held on with the ferocity of an attacking pit bull.

So, today, I'm whining.

Accountability, despite my extreme displeasure.

Calories: 1761
Carbs: 197
Fat: 74
Protein: 77

Reality tells me that my calories cannot be as low as I think they are, otherwise I would not be gaining weight. You need an excess of 2500 calories per week to gain one pound.

My mistakes:

~ I haven't been weighing everything - some of it has been eyeballed
~ I've allowed myself a nibble here and a nibble there of some holiday goodies - likely more nibbles than I thought I was having
~ I am nearly sedentary because of my back injury.

So yes, today I'm whining, but I'm also getting it all out there and blasting through my excuses. If I truly want to look good and be fit and healthy, clearly, I have to try harder. I can worry about maintenance when I am at a weight that I'd like to maintain. Right now, I need to lose and that is what I must focus on.

Dec. 16: An Award!

2010-12-16T16:30:00.000-08:00

This made my day - Michelle at Those Last 75 Pounds gave me the Cherry On Top Award. I'm so glad you like my blog and that the meal planning helps you!

Now I get to pick 5 people to whom I'd like to give this award. Wow - that's tough! There are so many good blogs on so many interesting topics, it's hard to pick. I'm actually going to go with a top three - my absolute, total favorite blogs. Sadly, many of the blogs I loved following haven't been updated in quite some time.

First has to be Lyn, at Escape from Obesity. Her persistence in losing weight, lots of stubborn weight, has inspired me from day one. It amazes me how she has deliberately made her way through the landmines of weight loss and how much I have learned from her insights. Lyn, I completely celebrate you, your kind heart, and your determination.

Sarah, from Watching Wolves Amidst the Shade and Light, has inspired me in a different way. Her passion for motherhood amazes me. Reading about the schedule she has kept for the first year of her twins' life, I feel guilty complaining about being tired while working and raising a 10 year old. Sarah, you are such a great mom - I love that you settle for nothing but the absolute best for your children

*, my friend, I love the quirky humor (and the potential multiple personalities displayed) in your blog, White Knight Meet Starfish. I look forward to every new post from you because I know I will learn about another facet of your unbelievably incredible self. Muah!

You guys all ROCK!!!

Dec. 14: Not-So-Terrible Tuesday

2010-12-14T14:40:00.000-08:00

It's really sad. It seems that as the holiday gets closer, people get meaner. I work in a service department at a car dealership and as Christmas approaches, many people seem to be less patient, angrier, and more apt to just plain old lose it. What ever happened to "the joy of the holidays"?

Because of our finances, we have been forced to cut way back this year. At work, our department adopted a family instead of doing Secret Santas. At home, I told the kids our budget per person was only $100 this year. But my kids, in a rare angelic moment, donated HALF of their personal Christmas budgets to this family full of kids that might otherwise not be getting anything. I can't tell you how proud I am of them.

So, because of that, we have cut back further still. I have goodies for stockings and a couple of nice gifts per child, as well as new PJs for everyone. And that is it. I have warned the girls that its going to be nothing like our usual Christmas, with so many gifts surrounding the tree that it takes us an hour to unwrap them all. They tell me they are fine with that (we'll confirm that on Christmas morning!)

And, as I've reduced all the frantic gift-buying and wish lists, it seems that my stress level has dropped right along with it. I have had a few days that were not really on-plan but with all the goodies floating around the workplace, I'm amazed at my resistance. I don't have the angry-gotta-get-5-hours-of-shopping-done-in-2-hours feeling. I'm feeling pretty ....calm. And isn't peace a symbol of the season? How far society has strayed from that.

Today was not as terrible as yesterday, as far as eats are concerned. In fact, I'm very pleased to past my count for the day.

Calories: 1464
Carbs: 201
Fat: 29
Protein: 114

Yay, me!

Here is one of our favorite family recipes - super quick and easy!

MEXICAN PIZZA

1 Greek Pita

Mexican-seasoned Ground Turkey

Salsa

Refried Beans

Shredded Cheese

Preheat your oven to 400. Spread refried beans (I use PC low-fat) on the pita - about 1/3 cup. Top this with a tablespoon of salsa. On top of the salsa, layer cooked ground turkey (I usually make a big batch on the weekends ) about 4 ounces. Sprinkle shredded cheese (I use light cheddar) to top and bake in the oven until warm all the way through. Let it stand for a couple of minutes before slicing and enjoying. You can drizzle some plain non-fat yogurt on the top in lieu of sour cream.

This is a great recipe because it's very flexible. If you don't have ground turkey, you can use leftover sliced chicken or roast beef. The amount of cheese I top with varies based on my current dietary goals.

All the typing has me hungry! Off to make Mexican Pizzas!

Dec. 13: Is It Over Yet?

2010-12-13T15:07:00.000-08:00

I should have realized my day was not going to go well when my food scale didn't work this morning. There's always a sign.

Of course, I ignored the omen and cheerfully eyeballed my food and chucked it into the lunch pail.

It was freezing here in the southernmost part of Ontario this morning - well below freezing, with an awful windchill factor. I forgot to warm up my car ahead of times, and my doors were frozen shut. I had to pour hot water over the drive side door to get into my car and then, shivering and damp, had to scrape all the windows to remove the sheet of ice that was under the snow.

Brrrrr....... I'm not a winter fan, but I do love my adopted country.

At work, Monday-itis seemed to strike most of our customers, leaving them annoyed and irritable. The appointment schedule was vastly overbooked, only fueling the flame of impatient and unhappy customers. Imagine my delight.

When I heated up my lunch, the chicken smelled funky - really funky - and I was afraid to eat it. Instead I indulged in 2 cookies and a cinnamon roll. That was definitely helpful to my goals today.

Sigh.

In the interest of self-accountability, here are the numbers for today:

Calories: 1950
Carbs: 231
Fat: 78
Protein: 99

The cookies were so good. I am not as remorseful as I should be.

The weigh-in this morning seemed off - I will try it again tomorrow and see if it is similar and post then. I don't think I could've gained 3 pounds over the past week, considering that the calories were pretty well under control.

Sometimes a girl just needs a whole lot of water and a good poop before a weigh in.

And that is my quote of the day!!! I hope your Mondays all went well. Tuesday has gotta be better!

Dec. 11: Sunny Saturday

2010-12-11T14:49:00.000-08:00

Well, the funds are exhausted. We have had a whirlwind weekend of shopping. The nice thing about this is that we are shopping for others. My girls and I are participating in a work project where we have adopted a family. We have had the most fun ever shopping for this family we don't know and hoping that they are happy on Christmas morning. It has been more satisfying than any holiday shopping I have ever done.

We also did a big grocery stock-up that has me looking forward to every meal of the week! I got some great deals on meat this week and have wonderful things brewing for the menu!

Saturday: Roasted chicken, whole grain bread and green beans
Sunday: Upside-down nachos
Monday: Chicken cacciatore, whole wheat pasta
Tuesday: Leftover Buffet
Wednesday: Grilled chicken pizza
Thursday: Vegetable beef soup
Friday: Grilled chicken Caesar salad

How good does that stuff sound? I can't wait to eat it all!

Leftover Buffet, if not previously defined, is how I get rid of leftovers in our house. All the leftovers go on the kitchen counter and we grab a plate and dish out a bit of this and a bit of that. Then we take turns using the microwave to nuke it and enjoy our favorites. The kids seem to find leftovers much more palatable when served this way and it makes for a super-easy evening.

Right now, the grilled chicken roasting in the kitchen is so tantalizing that I just want to grab a hot drumstick out of the oven!

During this holiday season please remember how blessed you are to have the delicious food you are eating (or trying to resist eating.) Remember our less fortunate brothers and sisters, not only at the Christmas season, but throughout the year.

Dec. 11: Off-Plan Hangover

2010-12-11T05:21:00.000-08:00

Nah, not that kind of hangover - I don't drink. But I feel about like that poor polar bear after my off-plan meal last night.

My off-plan meal was in the plan - Friday night, going out with the girlies and having dinner and dessert. I feel like I ate with complete reckless abandon. It didn't feel like that much at the time but this morning I feel vaguely queasy, I slept in a awkward position and my back hurts and it feels like I just got run over by a truck. That'll teach me.

We had Philly Cheese Steak sandwiches - I got a small - and french fries - how I love french fries. Later we had this delicious lemon coffee cake my oldest daughter made. That kid can bake! (Much to my dismay at times!) We also enjoyed some dark chocolate truffles. Orgasmic dark chocolate truffles. Those have been rehomed to the freezer, since making the creamy filling rock hard defeats the delicious purpose of them.

This feels like confession. I never used to feel guilty after an off-plan meal. It must be the adjustment - this is the first full week I've managed to stick to my plan (well, mostly sticking to the plan.)

Onward to happy thoughts. At least today this makes me feel motivated to make deliciously healthy decisions. After I have some toast I am off to the grocery store to make some fabulous food choices for the week. I just got paid a nice bonus from work so I'm excited to be able to get some great stuff without counting pennies.

I feel good that I managed, despite all of the temptations around me, to stay the course this week and eat properly 90% of the time. I wasn't perfect, but I stayed accountable, which is apparently vital for me, and I was way better than I had been before. I'm awaiting tomorrow's weigh-in and measuring with mixed emotions. On the one hand, I'll be bummed if everything stayed the same. On the other hand, I know I haven't been as strict as my be necessary and I'm smart enough to realize that will affect the outcome. I'm far less stressed by not expecting complete perfection of myself, which is a lesson that may allow me to stick with the plan for the long haul.

Dec. 8: Spilling the Soup

2010-12-08T15:18:00.000-08:00

Today I realized that I have a talent not everyone possesses. It's hard to be humble about this one, so I'll just put it out there.

I can turn anything into an excuse for eating a cheeseburger.

This morning I got up and dutifully packed my lunch. I did my hair (better hair day today) and my makeup and got dressed in something OTHER than that blue uniform shirt. I packed a healthy lunch of vegetable soup.

At 1:00 I finally got a chance to eat my lunch. Then I realized that my beloved vegetable soup had spilled all over my lunch bag. Since I did not have the urge to slurp it out f the bottom of my bag, I gleefully went to the closest restaurant (McDonald's) and devoured my favorite junk meal, an Angus burger and fries.

Over the totals of the week, I'm still okay. I'm still in diet numbers. Today, however, my totals are:

Calories: 2221

Carbs: 222

Fat: 105

Protein: 104

Sigh. Yeah, McDonald's isn't doing my fat rolls any favors, unless keeping the rolls rolling is considered a positive thing. And I lied.... I did love it.

Today was a better day for back pain. I functioned all day long on only two ibuprofen, which is nearly record setting for me. I really miss the gym. I was enjoying the heavy lifting so much, particularly the results. This weekend, I'm going to research some exercise options that won't aggravate my back.

Have a great evening!

Dec.7: TMI Tuesday

2010-12-07T15:40:00.000-08:00

"Tuesday is a day of the week occurring after Monday and before Wednesday."

I was at a loss for a specific topic today. I wanted to come up with something catchy, like "Tequila Tuesday", but since I don't drink I figured that would be silly. When I googled Tuesday, I got the above definition, which I thought was funny in a warped, Daisy-ish kind of way. Following, if you make it to the end, you will find the TMI portion of this post.

Onward to accountability.

I ate exactly the same thing I had yesterday, minus the thrice-damned tarts.

Calories: 1334
Carbs: 150
Fat: 42
Protein: 97

I love it - pretty close to a perfect breakdown. Maybe another 15 grams or so of protein, but I'm really pleased.

In case you are wondering what my menu consists of, here it is, good, bad and ugly-ish.

Multigrain toast w/ natural peanut butter, skim milk
Nonfat yogurt with protein powder, blueberries and granola
Chicken breast w/ 1 cup of veggies (today was green beans)
Crock pot beef/veggie soup with a sprinkle of romano cheese
Microwave popcorn, butter flavor

None of it is "diet food". I'm not getting the smart-pop, light, air-popped dullness that is "diet" popcorn. I'm using the popcorn to battle my chip habit. Salty and crunchy is really my biggest downfall but this time-consuming substitute helps a lot.

The other benefit of popcorn is how much it irritates your co-workers with it's smell.

"Are you having popcorn again?"
"Why don't you make that at home and just bring it with you?"
"Did you know that everyone in the building can smell that?"
"Wow, that popcorn smells really good."

So, not only does it help with the potato chip issues, it provides some cheap entertainment.

On the "Effort to Look Like a Pin-Up Girl" front, today was a wash. I had a bad hair day. My bangs looked weird all day long, I got stressed and rubbed off all my makeup by 10 am, and I wore my hideous blue uniform shirt.

I have this problem with wearing colors. I have a crazy health issue with sweat. Not a day goes by that I am not soaked with sweat. Because of this, I wear very dark colors at all times. It's localized, only an armpit thing, but it's horrible. I wear a prescription antiperspirant, but I still have horrible sweat rings under my arms constantly. When I began taking my current anti-anxiety medication, you can imagine my delight when I discovered that profuse sweating was one of the side effects. Needless to say, this has helped my sanity but not my sweating issue. (This may be TMI - ooh - a title! TMI Tuesday - editing now!)

I told my boss that I had a medical problem that would be an issue with blue shirts, but of course he would not listen to me - who has a medical issue that prevents them from wearing blue? Well, within an hour and a half of donning the hideous shirt, I had the horribly unattractive sweat rings in my pits. I walked into his office and showed him, and, will wonders never cease, I don't have to wear the uniform. But now, tomorrow when I go in, everyone is going to wonder where my uniform shirts are. How thoroughly embarrassing. According to my doctor, the only options left for this are undergoing surgery to have the sweat glands in my armpits removed (but I always picture the sweat squirting out some other, equally unappealing pore of my body) or injecting Botox into my pits. Yay. Botulism. I really want to introduce that into my body. I don't even eat preservatives, for crying out loud!

So perspiration. That is the "TMI" in TMI Tuesday. Ahhhh....I knew I'd come up with a topic. Stay tuned to next week when we discuss some other horribly embarrassing bodily function!

Thank you for all your warm responses, ladies! You are really helping me toe the line with my plan (tarts aside.)

Dec. 6: Snowy Monday

2010-12-06T17:12:00.000-08:00

Isn't it a nice feeling when you think you have pigged out but then realize it wasn't really that bad? When I was adding up my food today I had that pleasant surprise......

Until I remembered the TARTS.

Dang.

Despite the tarts, the FOUR tarts, my intake was still within diet numbers.

Calories: 1822
Carbs: 208 (eek)
Fat: 64
Protein: 100

Not great but not nearly as bad as before I got at least one leg up on the wagon. (although the other leg is dangling and dragging in the dirt behind the wagon.) Geez, I don't know what's wrong with me. Is there a confused smilie?

On to the weekly meal plan.

On Sunday I cooked a batch of chicken breasts. I found a really great seasoning that contains no MSG. It is a brand called Cool Runnings and I found it in the ethnic food aisle. It's just their multi-purpose seasoning. I sprinkled it liberally on the chicken breasts and baked them in the oven. Spicy and delish. Then I made my lunches for the week.

I packed 4 pieces of Tupperware with the above concoction: 6-6.5 oz chicken breast sliced over 1 cup of frozen veggies. The veggies are either broccoli or green beans. I heat this in the microwave at lunch time for about 2.5 minutes and the veggies are perfectly steamed. YUM.

Today I made a crock pot full of soup. I'm working really hard to increase my veggies.

Crock Pot Beef and Veggie Soup

1 can of diced tomatoes with olive oil and garlic

1 can f diced potatoes

1 can of mixed veggies

1 pound of extra lean ground beef

Seasoning to taste

(I used Italian seasoning, my Cool Runnings seasoning,

black pepper, onion powder and garlic powder)

1 cup of water

Cook the concoction all day (8-9 hours) on low. Yummy smelling tasty soup will await you when you get home. Ballpark calories for this lusciousness on a cold and snowy Monday? 80 calories per cup!

Yep, I relied heavily on the canned goods for convenience today. The goods I chose were not loaded with salt and I was careful to select brands without additives or preservatives. Sure, fresh would be better but I'm a single working mom and sometimes corners are just going to be cut. Period. As long as I use careful judgement about what corners I'm choosing to cut, convenience can still be part of a healthy lifestyle.

Weekly Menu:

Monday: Beef and veggie soup
Tuesday: Beef and veggie soup
Wednesday: Turkey Burgers, sweet potato fries
Thursday: more soup (my daughter will be at dad's tonight or she would rebel against having soup 3X!)
Friday: dinner out with the kids - pizza?

I didn't go nuts on variety this week. Sometimes when I am trying to get into the swing of dieting I do better when I don't have as much variety. This seems like one of those weeks.

I got up early today and used hot rollers and the entire array of warpaint on my face. Sadly, my long-awaited, much-dreaded, work uniform shirts arrived today, so tomorrow and every workday thereafter, I shall be clad in a hideous, unflattering blue shirt. However, from the chin up, I'll do my best!

Keep warm! If you are living in a wintery climate, enjoy the beauty of the first snow!

Dec. 6: Quick (but Late) Sunday Update

2010-12-06T02:37:00.000-08:00

I'm getting ready for work Monday morning but I didn't get time to update yesterday.

For accountability's sake:

Calories: 1430
Carbs: 113
Fat: 68
Protein: 88

Clearly protein was too low. I'm very happy with everything else.

Back tonight with eats info!

Dec. 4: The Plan

2010-12-04T17:18:00.000-08:00

Ahhhhh....I love Saturdays, especially when I get to hang with my girlies in my PJs until noon. Is there anything better than a lazy morning, slowly sipping coffee for hours and just hanging out with the people you love? This morning, my friend's boy came over and hung out with us. He is a little darling, so polite! It was fun having a little one in the house again (he's 4). We decorated Christmas ornaments and had lunch with him and his Mommy in my cute little kitchen.

I then did some shopping for our family that we have adopted through work this Christmas. Since I work with guys, I mostly got money instead of gifts for the family. Hey, I can always shop, especially when all the money does not come out of my bank account!

I've made a plan. It isn't earth-shattering or anything. I'm simply going to do what works - and I know it works from successfully doing it before.

I'm going to weigh, measure and count. Simple and idiot-proof. I just have to do it.

My kitchen scale is out on the counter with new batteries in it. My measuring implements are washed and ready in a bowl. Tomorrow I will map out my meal plan, cook and pack my lunches, all nicely measured out.

I've also determined a couple of other things. *'s comment in my post "Have You Ever Felt Beautiful?" really got me to thinking about my self-esteem. Instead of shooting for a body like the models in Oxygen, I'm going to be inspired by people like Christina Hendricks. I'm going to put real effort into my appearance now, instead of waiting to be skinny before I do something to my hair besides scraping it back in a bun. I deserve to feel beautiful whatever my weight, and I intend to put forth real effort to do so.

I'm going to try really hard not to sweat the actual pounds. I've always liked myself voluptuous, but felt pressured to be thinner. I remember a day in my late 20s. I wore this clingy navy blue dress and men flirted with my all day long. I was about 170 pounds at the time. When I met my ex-husband for dinner, he criticized what I was wearing and told me that someone my size should not be wearing something fitted like that. Of course, despite the 10 people that thought I looked great, the one that mattered caused my self-esteem to come crashing down.

I guess the lesson I (we) can learn from that, is that we can't please everyone. The first person to please is ourselves, and then the rest, the really important people will follow. In the immortal words of Dr. Seuss, "Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter, and those who matter don't mind."

Another picture of Christina for inspiration:

Who inspires you and makes you feel like you can be beautiful?

Dec. 3: The First Christmas Party of the Season

2010-12-03T16:44:00.000-08:00

First of all, I want to say thank you for the warm welcome back and the offers of support. I feel awesome just hearing from you all. I need every ounce of accountability and support I can get to be successful in this.

Today was the first Christmas party of this year's holiday season. It went fairly well.

I had:

Grilled chicken
Baked beans
Coleslaw (small serving)
Potatoes (small serving)
Dinner roll

I drank water instead of alcohol which kept the calories down.

Dessert, always my downfall, was less than stellar, but it could have been worse.

Small piece of cheesecake
2 cream puffs

Dinner was delicious - it's always fun to celebrate with friends and co-workers.

The rest of the day, I tried to keep cals on the low side.

Toast with a smidge of butter and cinnamon
Nonfat yogurt with protein powder, peaches and granola
Popcorn

Yeah, popcorn was not the healthiest lunch in the world, but it takes a long time to eat and I wanted to keep the calories way down since I knew dinner would not be the leanest.

I'm marking today in the "Success" column, even though some might not think it was. The reason?

~ I was in control of the food - the food was not in control of me
~ I ate because I was hungry, not because the food was there
~ I limited my Diet Coke consumption and drank mostly water
~ I didn't eat until I felt sick, the way I have been lately
~ I didn't have ice cream (of course, I had cheesecake)

This weekend my kids go to their dad's house. I'm going to work on organizing my tiny apartment and I am going to do some cooking for the week ahead. We're really loving soup this winter so I think I'll do another pot of soup - what kind depends on what is on sale.

For now, we are stringing popcorn and baking gingerbread ornaments (non-edible). The house smells divine and the kiddos are happy and feeling creative. Life is good.

Dec. 2: Resurrecting the Blog

2010-12-02T13:31:00.000-08:00

Today, I'm staging a resurrection of my blog.

Lately, my input has been sporadic at best. And it's the same for my lifestyle. I might get partway through the day eating healthy, but the least temptation causes me to cave. I've been wondering all week how I got back to the place I am. I realized how important this blog is, perhaps not to you, but to me: to my motivation, my education and to my resolve.

I'm taking the blog back to it's roots. In the beginning I wrote this to keep myself accountable and to puzzle through the reason that I have never successfully dieted and kept it off. I dedicated it to educating myself about food, and what is in the food-like substances you find in the stores, and to sharing it with you. I traced the footsteps of my weight loss plan and my baby steps into fitness. When I dropped back to just writing once a week, the pounds crept back on.

So today, I'm restarting this 20 pounds heavier than I was in the summer.

Today:
Height: 5'8"
Weight: 185    + 17 pounds
Chest: 46"       + 5 inches
Waist: 35"       + 5 inches
Hips: 43"         + 5 inches

June 25th, 2010
Weight: 168
Bust: 41"
Waist: 30"
Hips: 38"

So there is five extra inches of me all the way around. Bummer. Just to make myself feel better, I went back to the veeeeerrrrrrryyyyyyy beginning of the journey and copied those stats.

November 30, 2009
Weight: 210      - 25 pounds
Bust 46            the same
Waist 37.5        - 2.5"
Hips 47            - 3"

Well, actually it doesn't really make me feel much better. I'm really surprised at how close the measurements are. My body really seems to want to fluff right back up.

Anyhow, this is a new page in the journey. One year later, hopefully much wiser, I'm re-embarking on a lifestyle change and I'm planning to make it stick this time.

I hope you all will forgive me for my semi-abandonment of my blog and help me to stay on track. I look forward to any and all input, my friends!

I want it. I'm done being the chubby one. I will not give up and I won't quit this time. When I get there, I will still keep fighting to be strong, fit and healthy. I want it and I will get there.

Nov. 21: Volunteering at the Austin Humane Society

2010-11-21T14:00:00.000-08:00

Those of you that have been following my blog for a while know these things about me:

~ I suffer from chronic depression
~ I am a complete animal lover
~ I'm a big fan of Lyle McDonald's work

I'd like to link you to a very special series that he has written.

Volunteering at the Austin Humane Society

This series touched my heart for so many reasons, particularly the ones listed above.

If you have ever suffered from mental illness or know someone who has, read this series.

If you love our furry friends, read this series.

If you use Lyle's site and forum and benefit from his writings, read this series.

Lyle gives away so much knowledge for free. It's payback time, my friends.

Nov. 21: These Boots Were Made for Walkin'.....

2010-11-21T13:23:00.000-08:00

I feel amazing. I took a looooonnnnggg walk with the dog today. My back didn't hurt, my leg didn't hurt, and the cold crisp air felt fabulous against my cheeks.

Ever since I moved, at the beginning of October, my back has steadily gotten worse. Exercise has gone done the toilet. I've been seeing a chiropractor and the improvement is nothing short of miraculous. Before this treatment, after about 10 minutes I was dragging my numb, tingling right leg behind me like Quasimodo. Today, I felt really good and did some stretching. I took a short walk to the store and when I cam back, I decided to leash up the pup and go for it. We wound through all sorts of little streets in our new neighborhood (I say new because we haven't really seen that much of it so far."

Now the pooch is laying on her favorite chair, pooped out, and I'm here typing, feeling inspired about health and fitness again!

(I couldn't get rid of the freaky eyes - I promise, she is a normal brown-eyed doggy!)

Every week, it seems like there is a challenge, standing in the way of healthy eating. Sometimes it's my schedule, sometimes it is roadblocks and temptations thrown in the way by others.

This week, it's "brokeness."

I've got very little money for groceries this week. We won't starve to death or anything, but fat seems to be the world's cheapest ingredient. Everything inexpensive seems to be quite high in fat and carbs.

I have tomorrow off, so I will be looking for some bargains, and I will adapt my menu around them. My veggie intake has not been what it should be lately either, something else I need to rectify. This week you can expect a lot of stir fries. I'm also going to be looking for some less expensive protein options - I'm very partial to skinless boneless chicken but it may not be in the budget right now. I may also make a beef and cabbage soup. We've really been enjoying a nice bowl of soup at the end of a long day - and it's another effective way to get the veggies in.

I'll be back after grocery shopping tomorrow to post the menu!

Nov. 16: Down Some Pounds

2010-11-16T15:45:00.000-08:00

For once, the scale is making me happy.

It's probably because I was so sick, but I am down 6 pounds from the beginning of the month! Today's weigh-in was 180.

I've made a huge change in eating habits, even though I am still dealing with WICKED cravings. I'm being strict, but not so strict that I rebound.

A huge difference is cutting back on the Diet Coke. I don't know why, but when I drink that all the time, the way I so enjoy, I eat more. I know there are studies with various hypothesis on why people drinking lots of diet soda gain weight, and it seems it is very true for me.

I'm sure with cutting out the fast food, the sodium intake is totally different. That would also account for a few pounds.

The exercise thing is just NOT working out for me. I've been under the care of a chiropractor for severe neck and back pain. After two weeks, I can't go much further than a kilometer until I'm dragging my leg behind me in a most undignified fashion. The chiro says to listen to my body and not force anything, and has also banned me from heavy lifting in the gym until this is straightened out. I think I'd feel so much better if I could go out and take long wanders with the dog. At least I don't have a pounding headache every second of every day anymore.

I had tried going to the doctor for this, but all they did was tell me it was stress and give me pain killers. I'm getting more relief from the chiropractor after just 3 visits than the 3 doctors visits and multiple bottles of medication they gave me. While I'm definitely not anti-modern-medicine, there are some things a pill won't fix.

The meal plan is right on track for the week, and that in itself gives me a big buzz of success!

Nov. 14: Weekly Food Prep

2010-11-14T05:46:00.000-08:00

This week, I'm really feeling the cooking bug. Maybe because it's cold and foggy out, maybe because last week's food prep kept me so successfully on plan. Whatever the reason, I'm itching to get into the kitchen today!

First things first, I'm roasting 2 chickens. Have you seen those flattened chickens at your local grocery store? They are supposed to cook way faster that way. Anyhow, they are on sale, so I'm grabbing two and making them today. While they are in the oven I'm going to also make a batch of baked brown rice.

The chicken soup I made last week was such a hit that my daughter R asked me to make it again this week. So after the chicken cools, I'll remove the yummy white meat and put it away for other meals and then I will put the carcasses and dark meat in the crockpot overnight to make broth for more soup.

Sunday: Roasted chicken with potatoes and carrots, green beans

Monday: Leftovers

Tuesday: Mexican chicken casserole (recipe below)

Wednesday: Chicken noodle soup

Thursday: Leftovers

Friday: Pizza night

Mexican Chicken Casserole

("Casserole" usually indicates something baked in the oven. We're going to nuke ours in the microwave in one dish servings.)

cooked chicken

cooked brown rice

canned rinsed black beans

frozen corn

chili powder, cilantro, sea salt

salsa

tortilla chips

finely shredded cheddar

plain non-fat or low-fat yogurt

Based on your pre-determined serving sizes, add chicken and rice to a large bowl. Stir in 1/4 cup of beans and corn, and then season to taste with spices and salsa. Heat in the microwave for 2-3 minutes, or until hot. Carefully remove the dish from the microwave and top with some shredded cheese and crumbled tortilla chips. Return to the microwave for 30 seconds, top with yogurt and then enjoy!

One of the really nice things about this dish is that, depending on your nutritional goals, you can tweak the macros to suit. For the kids, you can top it with a bit more cheese if you want.

Now that I am finally feeling healthier, this is the week that I am going to start my early morning walking plan. I'm going to start off with a brisk 20 minute walk with the dog, and see how things go from there.

My goal has changed. After the epiphany I wrote about yesterday, I really want to lookin the mirror and love what I see. I want to treat myself kindly and feel beautiful. I want to stop punishing my body with food and instead, nurture myself with food and activity.

I'm off to church and then the grocery store!
Have a great week!

Nov. 12: Have You Ever Felt Beautiful?

2010-11-12T16:23:00.000-08:00

I was talking with some friends the other day when something horrible hit me.

We were discussing at what weight we felt beautiful. I realized that I have never felt beautiful. There has never been a point in my life when I appreciated my body without reservations.

When I was a teen, I was very athletic and I had a tight muscular body. This was before the fit body was thought of as a beautiful thing, so I felt ugly and masculine.

In university, I gained a few pounds and got up to a size 8. I had some boobs and some hips, and it was such a drastic change for m that I felt fat. I was horrified to see the scale creep over 130 pounds. (Keep in mind I am 5'8"!)

Later, I got into some swimsuit modeling. Everyone else thought I looked beautiful but I spent time picking myself apart, scanning myself for cellulite and groaning in despair at the slight, natural, feminine protrusion of my belly.

Then I had a child. I gained 50 pounds and couldn't see the beauty of my body supporting the sweet little life within it. I felt huge, ungainly and unattractive.

After my daughter was born, I was dismayed at the changes in my body: the stretch marks, the saggy muscles, the loose skin. I couldn't fit into any of my old clothes and felt hideous and fat. In my personal life, I discovered that my husband at the time was cheating on me, which of course, made me loathe my body even more.

Later, after the birth of my second daughter, I dieted ferociously and got back down to my university size, an 8. I was sick, I was cranky and I was hungry. Everyone else told me I looked great but I hated the way my breasts looked like droopy empty pockets on my chest. Everything about me looked sunken and saggy. Again, I was miserable with my body.

So I gained it all back. And then I gained some more. I reached my personal maximum density of 212, and I definitely wasn't happy with my body then. I hated the largeness of myself, the way photos of me pointed out that I was truly larger than people I used to find quite heavy. I hated the multiple rolls of fat that traveled down my torso, the cellulite that dotted my legs and the fact that my calves were too big to fit into boots.

And again, I lost weight. Most recently I've been as low as 165, a size 10, and after 41 years of hating my body, I still picked myself apart.

I regained some of the weight and I am trying to take off the regained pounds. I want to remain at a healthy body weight. I look in the mirror and cringe at the muffin top that rolls over my waistband.

I actually don't know what it feels like to look in the mirror and feel beautiful. Why do I focus on the ugliness? Why can't I find some trace of beauty that makes me feel good? What would it feel like one day to love myself and see the good points and blur over the rest?

I can look back now and wish I looked the way I did when I was 17, or 21, or 33. But would it make me happy? It didn't when I was 17, 21, or 33. Would I feel beautiful? I didn't when I was 17, 21, or 33.

Is this just a personal thing? Have the rest of you felt beautiful? Can you look back on a time in your life when you were really, truly, happy with yourself? When you looked in the mirror and felt beautiful? I can't imagine what that must feel like.

I want to find out.

Nov. 7: Real Chicken Soup Isn't Yellow

2010-11-07T09:38:00.000-08:00

Unless you put the feet in.

Yep, that is why chicken soup you buy at the grocery store is filled with yellow food coloring. Traditional Jewish chicken soup used the feet of the chicken to endow the soup with a golden color,

With no chicken feet in the local grocery store, my homemade soup is kind of a brownish color. I'm still fighting off this silly cold and today I feel even worse than I did yesterday. So I have some lovely homemade soup simmering away on the stove, with lots of delicious chicken in it.

HOMEMADE CHICKEN SOUP

1 box of organic chicken broth

4 skinless boneless chicken thighs

1/2 cup of thinly sliced carrots

minced garlic

finely chopped onion

1 tbsp of olive oil

2 tbsp of Italian seasoning

pasta of choice

In a large pot, saute the onion and garlic until golden and tender. Add the chicken and lightly brown the outside. Into the same pot, add the chicken broth, the carrots and the herbs. Simmer for 3 hours on low or until chicken is thoroughly cooked and falls apart when touched with a fork.

At this point, remove the chicken and shred it with two forks. Set aside.

Turn the heat up and bring broth mixture to a boil. Add pasta (I like whole wheat egg noodles) and cook until the pasta is tender. Remove from heat and stir in the shredded chicken.

(You don't have to wait until someone has a cold to make this - it's a delicious, cold-weather comfort meal. )

I've done lots of thinking about exercise. I feel that the only way it's going to happen is if I do it first thing in the morning before life gets in the way on a particular day.

Off to enjoy my soup with some fresh focaccia!

Nov. 6: Thank you!

2010-11-06T16:08:00.000-07:00

All of the feedback and encouragement I have gotten from you all has been amazingly helpful at getting me back on track. I don't know if this applies to the rest of you all, but diet, weight loss, and whether I'm on track or not isn't something I can really talk about in my everyday life. None of my friends are really dieting, so the topic is boring to them. I work with a bunch of guys who would just stare at me blankly. The people that I do know who are dieting are still in that place of justifying every bite they put in their mouth. I'm good enough at doing that - I sure don't need someone else making up excuses for me!

So really, that leaves a forum that a post on with people I just adore, and this blog.

I believe, strongly, that without this blog to keep me honest, I'd have quit long ago. I'd never have hit my goal weight and I would have probably yo-yoed back up to a higher weight than last year's Maximum Density.

I also love sharing recipes with you! I really enjoy cooking and being able to share some tricks and ideas is so much fun to me!

This week's menu:

Monday: Honey Garlic Meatballs, brown rice and steamed green beans
Tuesday: Mexican pita pizza
Wednesday: Ground chicken and bean burritos
Thursday: BBQ Beef Chili
Friday: Upside-down Nachos

What are upside down nachos? I posted the recipe last year but it's definitely worth posting again. I thought I had a pic somewhere but I can't seem to find it.

I use some of my big batch Mexican ground chicken for this (recipe below)

UPSIDE DOWN NACHOS

In an oven safe pan, layer, in this order:

~1 serving of ground chicken mixed with 1/4 cup of black beans

~ chopped veggies of choice (think peppers, onions, tomato, etc)

~1/2 serving (about 25 grams) of finely shredded cheddar

~ 6 blue corn tortilla chips, crumbled

~ the other half serving of cheese

Bake this in the oven at 400* until hot, bubbly and delicious. (5-10 minutes) When it comes out of the oven, top with plain, low fat yogurt and salsa, and perhaps some homemade guacamole if you are feeling industrious.

I love this because it gets rid of my pub-food appetizer cravings. My kids love it because it has a funny name. 6 tortilla chips never made anyone fat, and neither did a bit of cheese.

BIG BATCH MEXICAN GROUND CHICKEN

2 pounds of extra lean ground chicken

chopped onion and garlic (to taste)

sprinkle of sea salt

chili powder (I like LOTS)

1/2 cup of barbecue sauce or ketchup

In a nonstick pan, cook the chicken, onion and garlic until chicken is cooked through, stirring to keep it broken up. Once chicken is cooked through, season with sea salt and chili powder. Stir in your choice of bbq sauce or ketchup and heat through until hot and thoroughly mixed.

There are a billion and one uses for this big batch of yumminess. I'll list a few.

~ Taco or burrito filling

~ Mexican pizza topping

~ Mixed with brown rice

~ Upside down nachos

~ Meat for chili

~ Taco salad

~ In a pinch, stir it into canned spaghetti sauce and serve over pasta

I make a batch of this nearly every week - it's a staple in our house!

Nov. 6: Still Going Well!

2010-11-06T03:42:00.000-07:00

So far, so good. I have finally stayed on plan for a few days in a row!

I managed to stick to my menu this week. As well, when I got faced with grabbing something on the go, I got the healthiest options possible. At a workplace lunch, I only had two very small pieces of pizza, skipped the wings and breadsticks, and didn't feel like I was deprived. On the go, I grabbed a bean burrito and a bottle of water. I was pleased with that.

My calorie intake has been under 1800 all week, but so far, the scale isn't showing it at all. It is so hard for me to budge the scale (downward at least). On the bright side, I feel much better. I feel lighter and more energetic when I eat healthy unprocessed foods.

My challenge this week is finding time to exercise. I don't know how on earth I am going to fit it in, but that is the missing link in my "get back to a healthy weight" plan. I'm going to ponder that today and post my plan.

This morning, I'm taking my girls to the mall to wander around while I get my haircut. Lunch will be at the food court. I'm going to get a Greek Salad with grilled chicken at the souvlaki place - a pretty good option from the choices available. This weekend will be a rush of birthday parties and chauffeuring kids, but I plan to get out on at least two long walks with the dog.

I'll be back this evening with an exercise plan!

November 4: Motivation, at Last

2010-11-03T15:15:00.000-07:00

Of course I had to hit a solid 10 pound weight gain from my goal weight to actually find my motivation, but Daisy's got her groove back today.

Here is what I did not eat today:

~ the donuts a co-worker brought in to share
~ the gigantic Tootsie Roll a friend gave me
~ the caramel-filled, chocolate-covered ball of yumminess a customer brought me
~ nary one sip of Diet Coke crossed my lips today!

And somehow, after weeks of shoveling in everything I could find to eat, I didn't especially want any of this stuff.

Wow.

It makes me wonder if the soda pop is the culprit. I had all those months (8 of them) where I really didn't have craving issues, and drank no Diet Coke. It will be interesting to track!

Today's eats:

4 graham crackers with peanut butter
fat free yogurt with protein powder and granola
ground chicken with veggies and 20 grams of tortilla chips crumbled on top
stir fry with chicken breast, broccoli and mushrooms
2 more graham crackers cause they are yummy~

This tallies up to

1649 calories
150 g carbs
60 g fat
140 g protein

I'm really really really happy with this. It is the most control I have felt in a while.

Dear Motivation,

I've really missed you while you have been away. Things aren't the same without you, that's for sure. Things that would not be the least bit enticing when I have you in my life are nearly addictive in their power to suck me in. It's like peer pressure from a group of bad friends when you are away.

I need your steadying presence so I can actually lose this weight and figure out how to maintain the loss. Please don't leave again! I promise to make it worth your while if you never break up with me again. Just imagine the things we can do together!

Your friend,
Daisy

Nov. 1: Starting the Month Off Right

2010-11-01T04:52:00.000-07:00

I just love a new month. Something about turning that page on the calendar always makes me feel a rush of anticipation, that feeling of a fresh start. I feel like I've put the bad stuff from the previous month away, just by the mere act of turning that page.

So, in honor of starting the month off right, here is my weekly meal plan.

Monday: Chicken soft tacos, brown rice, guacamole and beans
Tuesday: Leftover Mexican food
Wednesday: BBQ beef chili
Thursday: Stir fry w/ cooked chicken breasts and broccoli
Friday: BBQ chicken pita pizzas

Already made are grilled chicken breasts and BBQ beef chili. Today, since I have the day off, I'm making a yummy fiesta meal for supper. I have salad fixings, baby carrots, and prepped veggies for the stir fry. I need to pick up some fruit and the week is set.

Did everyone have a fun Halloween? I managed to limit my indulgence to a few packets of Twizzlers. I also humiliated my dog by dressing her as a princess.

Tip of the day: Freeze the Halloween candy your child is not going to eat this week and take it out in the mornings to put in his or her lunch pail. You are less likely to eat it if you risk breaking a tooth to do so!

Oct. 30: Fresh Start

2010-10-30T06:02:00.000-07:00

This morning I got up and I looked at my disorganized messy apartment. I felt full of energy this morning so I began to scrub and tidy. Within the hour, the living room and kitchen were tidy, fresh and clean.

I started to think how this can be a symbol of your life. If everything is a disaster and you have to hunt through your kitchen to find the can opener, are you as likely to cook a nice healthy meal from scratch or are you going to call for Chinese take out because you can't find the stove?

Hopefully the organized kitchen will encourage me to make the healthy meals that I used to always have on hand. My kitchen scale is at the ready, waiting to weigh my healthy portions of protein servings. My pots and pans are neatly put away and I know where everything is. I have loads of counter space for prepping fruits and veggies, instead of having to shove things over to make room for this task.

I have a hopeful energy about myself on this new day. I feel a very fresh start coming on. I feel in control of this outrageous eating that I have been indulging in.

I've really undone a lot of my hard work. My weight is up to 178. Later today I am going to weigh and measure and have a definite starting point. I'm not waiting for tomorrow for my life to happen.

Cheers to you all and have a happy Halloween weekend!

Oct. 27: A Better Day

2010-10-27T17:30:00.000-07:00

Today was better. I tried to control things a little bit differently today. For example, in my lunch, I packed a controlled amount of crunchy-salties. I had a bean burrito (homemade) with a handful of tortilla chips. It really kept the manic munchies away throughout the afternoon.

Tonight, at dinner out with my daughter, I didn't go nuts, I didn't stress. I had what I wanted but less of it. I had a grilled chicken sandwich and ditched the bun, and I had fries.

So dietarily speaking, today was not spectacular.

But feeling in control: well, today was head and shoulders above yesterday.

Tomorrow, maybe I can put it all together and have an all-around successful day!

Oct. 26: This just isn't healthy

2010-10-26T16:58:00.000-07:00

Why the skull pic? I had no idea what kind of photo could accurately capture my day, so I picked this one just because I like it.

Today, I recognized that my behavior just isn't healthy at all.

It was a really stressful day.

First, I had to yell at 3 people before 9 am. This didn't start my day off well, and I hate having to be grumpy at work. Sometimes, though, a chick has to put her foot down and make some racket or the guys she supervises just won't listen. This was one of those days.

Then the phone calls started.

Many of you know about my recent financial issues. After being unemployed for over a year, I finally had to make the decision to walk away from my house and car. At this point, the house is still on the market and I am hoping to sell it before it gets foreclosed on.

I really felt as though I had come to terms with all of this - I made my decision, I downscaled my life, and I was at peace with it. But today, I got calls at work from not one, but both of the banks holding mortgages on my house.

First came the feeling of humiliation: trying to discuss personal finances with a million ears around. Next, came a bit of anger: I told the person calling that she was not to call my workplace again and gave her an address to which she could send mail regarding the matter. She kept shouting at questions and then called me back 10 minutes later. I know that I have not followed on my part of the agreement - I have stopped paying the mortgages, but still, there are laws about this kind of stuff.

Then the headache began. It crept up my neck and surrounded my skull and squeezed like a boa constrictor. My already short fuse got shorter until there was no fuse at all, just kind of a wick before the dynamite.

But that is where it gets scary. I started thinking about food. Salty fried disgusting food. I tried to distract myself with popcorn but it didn't work. I took two bites of my salad and then felt this rush of....desperation. I wanted to get out of there and I wanted to eat and eat and eat. I told everyone I was taking 30 minutes (I had planned to eat at my desk today). I immediately went to McDonalds and got a burger and fries. I read a magazine and inhaled that food so quickly my esophagus hurt. I had to sit there for 10 minutes after eating to allow the food to settle. I felt such dread at the idea of going back to work and picking up that phone.....well, it was tough to go back.

But back I went, and I was calmer and more productive. My daughter is at her dad's for the night and dinner was not greatly improved over lunch. I had Doritoes and refried beans (homemade refried beans - no added fat but I'm sure the Doritoes cancel out the virtuousness of the beans.)

I don't want to get fat again. I don't want to wake up in 6 months and realize that I am back up over 200 pounds. At this point, I am 10 pounds over my "healthy weight." It's not outrageous and it is losable. But I have to come up with a better way to deal with this anxiety.

I'd like to tell you the plan for tomorrow, but I don't really have one yet.

Basically, I'm at the point that all I can think to do right now is pray for an answer, and for the strength to overcome.

I write this because I know many of us that fight this battle have felt overwhelmed by the "enemy" - the complete loss of control that takes over in a difficult situation. We aren't alone. We need to share it and make that burden lighter. We need to throw away the guilt because this is like an illness. We can get better but we must realize it isn't a personal weakness or a reflection of us that relapses occur.

My next meal, as I often say, will be better.

Oct. 25: Fail to Plan, Plan to Fail

2010-10-25T15:29:00.000-07:00

That's a favorite saying of one of my favorite people. (Jac! This means you!) Today would not be considered a total failure - my intake is under 2000 calories, but I failed to plan properly for lunch today. When I got a call from the school that my little girl was sick, I ended up eating on the run while picking her up, getting her settled, dashing to the pharmacy for her and getting back to work.

So I went through the dreaded drive thru. I was planning to get a grilled chicken sandwich. I really was. However, I ended up seeing a sign for the ever-so-delicious Bacon Mushroom Melt from Wendy's and I got distracted. Yup, I got one. On the bright side, I didn't get fries for the side. I got a small chili which will serve for lunch for me or my miraculously recovered child (amazing how quickly they get better watching cartoons!)

So, today's eats:

m1: ezekiel toast with natural pb
m2: yogurt, protein powder, blackberries, and granola
m3: Bacon Mushroom Melt
m4: Crock Pot BBQ Beef, sweet potato oven fries

Calories: 1797
Carbs: 140
Fat: 85
Protein: 121

All in all, I'm not hating my day. I also managed to drink only one Diet Coke today - the rest was all water. Another step in the right direction - I have to count all the little successes I can right now to keep myself motivated!

Check out the Crock Pot BBQ Beef recipe here. It's quick to prep, makes lots of yummy leftovers and my whole family enjoys it.

So, for tomorrow, I am going to plan my lunch better. In fact, I'll make it tonight and put it in the fridge. I learned my lesson today: I can't rely on getting home at lunchtime to fix something so I better just take it with me.

Another obstacle I can foresee this week: my oldest daughter (who lives with her dad) wants to see me this week. There are only 2 restaurants in the small town where she lives, so we will go to the steakhouse on Wednesday night. Tomorrow, I will strive to have a good day, as well as during the day on Wednesday. Life just happens and you can't hide out the entire time you are on a diet. I will make decent choices and not beat myself up.

Thank you very much for the support and kind words. It means a lot to me - it's kind of hard to write about falling off the wagon for all the world to read about.

Food prep for the week of Oct. 24th

2010-10-24T12:52:00.000-07:00

I've returned from my trip to the grocery store, and eats are still relatively on track for today.

Tomorrow I am going to make crockpot beef bbq - R can have hers on bread but mine will just be a hunk of yummy protein on a plate.

Today's prep:

Chicken breasts
Huge garden salad
Veggie tray with baby carrots, broccoli and cherry tomatoes
Mexican ground chicken
"Refried" beans
Sweet potato soup
Chicken broth made from a rotisserie chicken

This week's menu:

Sunday: Greek salad with chicken breast
Monday: BBQ beef, sweet potato oven fries
Tuesday: BBQ beef "pizza" on a whole wheat pita, topped with mushroom, onion and red pepper
Wednesday: Broccoli and chicken stir fry
Thursday: Grilled ham and cheese on artisan apple bread, sweet potato soup
Friday: Chicken soft tacos, refried beans

As always, lunch is leftovers. I have a small breakfast before work in the morning, nearly always the same thing: whole wheat toast with natural pb, and skim milk. I have yogurt, fruit and granola around 10 am. I'm filling in the munching time with microwave popcorn. I have to curb the constant eating but this week, my concentration is on eating real food again.

Wish me luck and determination!

Oct. 24: Square one...again

2010-10-24T06:34:00.000-07:00

How many times am I going to have to start over?

As many times as it takes, I guess.

The last week has been less than stellar. If I was an alcoholic, I would call it a relapse. I had a food bender for an entire week and I'm scared to get back on the scale. You couldn't even imagine the amount of food I consumed. I was tucking into it pretty much every waking moment. I have no idea why I lost all sense of control like this. Mentally, I'm feeling good (aside from said food bender.) The visit with my mom was not absolutely horrible. Work is great, life is great - I just lost it.

So, here I am again at square one, trying to keep away from the temptations that are everywhere.

Last night, I threw out all open sources of temptation. Into the garbage went cake, cookies, chips and ice cream, all heaped together in one nauseating pile. I even emptied out the packages and dumped ice cream on the dry goods so I would not be able to go in and dig something out. I don't know if I would've dug something out, but the way things have been going, better to be safe than sorry. This was my equivalent of dumping the vodka down the sink. Bagged up and ready to go are all of the still-sealed sources of temptation. I'll be dropping those off at the food bank when I go to the grocery store today.

Did this horrible cacophony of cravings come from some stress that I did not recognize? Did I give myself an inch and take a mile? Did some horrid preservative or additive trigger this awful bingefest? Was it some dreadful combination of all of the above?

I hate that I have to start over. I felt so successful, like I had beaten the bingeing and emotional eating once and for all. But start over I must. At least this time, I know what to do.

The plan is detox. Crap food detox.

~ No sources of MSG (proven to trigger cravings in many people)
~ No processed sugar
~ Water instead of diet soda
~ Real food, prepped and easily accessible at all times
~ Brisk walk with the dog before and after work

This week, I'm not really restricting calories. I'm counting them, keeping them under 2000, but the goal is to switch myself back to actual food, not packages of chemicals. Rome wasn't built in a day, and neither will I be able to repair this damage in one week.

I'll be back today with the week's food prep after I check out the sales at the grocery store. Good, bad or ugly, I'm going to blog about it, because recording it makes me accountable.

Oct 14: How Did My Challenging Day Go?

2010-10-14T17:21:00.000-07:00

Does that sum it up?

Sigh.......

I really thought about not blogging tonight. I bandied about the idea of skipping over today's foodfest and changing the subject in a couple of days when I wrote again.

But I couldn't do it. Denying it doesn't make it go away. Not telling anyone that I ate tons of junk food and made poor choices does not make the choices less poor.

When a calorie doesn't get counted and tracked, it's still a calorie. Unfortunately, calories are not like those stupid trees that fall in the forest with no one around to hear them.

So, to make a long story short, we'll just go with "totals".

My day consisted of a breakfast meeting and two buffets. Let's just say, my choices were not stellar.

Breakfast Meeting: 597
Lunch Buffet (Pizza): 1160
Dinner Buffet (Chinese): 897

Bringing us to a grand total of...........

Calories: 2654
Carbs: 312
Fat: 103
Protein: 123

Gulp.

It looks pretty dirty all written out like that. And the even worse thought is that, since I don't hit buffets with my trusty scale, I'm guessing at the actual servings.

Am I going to dress in sack cloth and roll around in ashes? Am I going to starve myself for the next two days to make up for it? Perhaps I could only have vegetables in water for the rest of the week to pay penance for my nutritional sins.

Nope.

As disappointed as I am in my choices, I'm simply going to do better tomorrow. I'm going to write off today and I'm going to move on with my nutritional plan and make tomorrow go without a hitch. Why? Because I've spent too many years yo yo dieting and watching the scale go up and down. Mistakes happen. Punishing myself won't make them not happen again. That will just make me say "F$#* it" and quit altogether. Starving myself will just make me go on another food bender. But nourishing myself with good food will make me feel good and I will want to keep that sense of wellness going.

Tomorrow's plan:

My regular first two meals
Salad with grilled chicken for lunch (with lots of yummy veggies)
Homemade chili for supper (cooked in the crockpot)

The crockpot will allow no margin for error with dinner. It will be sitting there ready, smelling delicious, so that there will be no ordering pizza, no "too tired to make dinner", no excuses period. I do okay sticking with meals during the day because I take it with me and that's all there is to eat.

So there we have it. The long and the short. The good and the bad. The way to make it better.

Don't think I'm letting myself "off the hook". I'm not pleased with the decisions I made but there's no umaking them now. I'm moving on and starting again the next meal because that's all you can do.

Self-flagellation only goes over well in monasteries.

Oct. 13: Limited Success

2010-10-13T16:07:00.000-07:00

You know, I'm a glass half full kind of girl, so I am going to call today a success, if a limited one.

I finally fixed my food scale (okay, I replaced the battery, but saying "fixed" sounds much more efficient and capable) so my calories are very accurate today.

They are too high for weight loss.

Today's eats"

m1: ww English muffin, natural pb, skim milk

m2: yogurt, 1/2 a nectarine, granola and protein powder
m3: salad with turkey breast, homemade Mexican dressing and 30g of Doritos
m4: broccoli pizza
1,882 calories
204 carbs
65 fat
125 protein

It's the carbs, of course, that are pushing my numbers up so high. I've got to cut them back. I have to plan my days better too. If I were eating a less "carby" dinner, I'd be right in line with where I need to be.

My plan is to cut calories and eat on the higher end of the deficit. After the lengthy diet break I've been on, I should be able to lose on more calories than before. (The optimist in me speaks again!)

After supper is just killing me. I want to sit here and munch in front of the TV with every fiber of my being. Of course, if I want to do that I need to save up some of my calories. Tonight I'm going to try a flavored hot tea and see if that satisfies a little bit.

The rest of the week is full of stumbling blocks. Tomorrow has a breakfast meeting with absolutely NO healthy choices although I've requested them. My daughter has a doctor's appointment and wants to go for lunch afterwards. I intend to make good choices then as well, to the best of my ability. For supper tomorrow night, I'm going to make a stir fry with veggies and chicken and no rice or noodles. Friday, my mom will be arriving for a one week visit. With her also arrives bags of chips, cookies and candy, as well as convenience foods like macaroni and cheese and other nutrional minefields. The weekend will be the tough part, since all the meals will be family style. The work week will be far easier to navigate since I will be eating the first three meals at the office.

I need to ponder and come up with a road map through this. If I was still in my "excuses" phase, this would be a dandy reason to blow off my diet for the next week. But I could do that every week of the year and still have excuses left over.

There is always going to be something that makes dieting difficult. Getting around those difficulties is the difference between being a yo yo dieter and a success story.

Oct 12: Day One Success and Turkey Recipes

2010-10-12T16:35:00.000-07:00

Today was Day One of being on-plan.

It was a big improvement, although not dietarily perfect. I was happy because I refrained from eating crap all day. I can't really pinpoint the last time I made it through an entire day without eating some junk: chips, a donut, a drive-through cheeseburger. Even though it was a bit unbalanced, I was pleased with the junk-"freeness" of it.

m1: Whole Wheat English Muffin w/ natural pb, iced coffee with skim milk
m2: Low Fat Organic Yogurt, 1/2 a banana, granola, protein powder, sprinkle of pecans
m3: turkey breast, leftover stuffing (fairly low fat - no butter, not actually stuffed into the turkey) and roasted veggies
m4: chicken breast, Kashi honey puff cereal
Microwave popcorn nibbled on to help deter the potato chip cravings

Calories: 1595
Carbs: 188
Fat: 46
Protein: 118

TURKEY PITA PIZZAS

leftover turkey breast in bite sized pieces

bbq sauce of choice

whole wheat pita

veggies of choice (I use onions, hot peppers and mushrooms)

shredded low fat mozzarella

Preheat the oven to 400. Place the pita on a baking sheet and spread with bbq sauce - my favorite is a spicy honey garlic bbq sauce. Top with turkey and veggies, then sprinkle with cheese. The lighter you go on the cheese, the lower cal your meal will be.

Bake in the oven until pita is crisp on bottom and cheese is bubbly, about 10 minutes. Let it rest of a couple of minutes before you slice it into 4 pieces.

Tomorrow I'm experimenting with sweet potato soup to use up the last of the mashed sweet potatoes.

Here's looking at another successful diet day tomorrow.

Thank you so much for the warm "welcome back" you gave me! My meal planning is not spectacular this week, but it revolves around using up the Thanksgiving leftovers!

Oct. 11: Moved In At Last!

2010-10-11T12:13:00.000-07:00

Finally.

After a week and a half without phone and internet, life is settling into a new kind of normal.

The move, like all moves, was long, exhausting, and chaotic. On moving day we didn't get the truck unpacked until 8:30 at night. It took absolutely forever. Added to that, my living room furniture wouldn't fit through the door. I luckily sold it and managed to get a small sofa for the same amount. We were so exhausted we could hardly move. We went out for dinner and R fell asleep at the table. The next day my back hurt so much I could hardly walk. It also hurt that badly the day after that. Thankfully, I'm all better now.

Unfortunately I'm also about five pounds heavier. You know what ticks me off? When I was all stressed out, I gave myself permission to eat crappy food. Then when I was feeling better, I gave myself permission to eat crappy food. Subsequently, I gained 5 pounds in two weeks. What was the reason? There wasn't one - I just made them up. I wanted to eat crappy food, and so I did. Excuses are what made me fat the first 759 times around. Here are the excuses that have been in play over the past two weeks:

1.) You poor thing, you are so stressed out. Just have a cheeseburger and you'll feel better.

2.) There is no time today - we have to eat in the car on the way to our appointment.

3.) I'm feeling much better - let's celebrate with dinner out!

4.) The boss bought donuts - it would be rude not to eat one.

5.) I don't have time to pack my lunch this morning - I'll just have fast food.

6.) I didn't have any granola to go with my yogurt so I will just have a candy bar instead.

I'm sure there were other excuses, but those were sufficiently lame to get my point across.

My point is: There is always an excuse - it's easier to make excuses and let yourself off the hook than to stay on track. But it's not easier to be heavy instead of healthy. My short term satisfaction is not worth my long term health.

So tomorrow begins the trek back to a healthy lifestyle, here in my cute new apartment just a few blocks from work.

For all my Canadian friends

~ I'm thankful that I weigh about 50 pounds less than I did last Thanksgiving ~

~ I'm thankful that I've been able to reduce my expenses ~

~ I'm thankful that I have a lovely new apartment with a great landlord ~

~ I'm thankful for my beautiful, talented daughters ~

~ I'm thankful for my affectionate pets ~

~ I'm thankful that I have been blessed with a new beginning ~

~ I'm thankful for a great job ~

Tomorrow:

recipes for Thanksgiving leftovers

Sept. 26: Countdown to Moving Day

2010-09-26T15:59:00.000-07:00

That is not my neat tidy stack of moving boxes.

Nope, my moving boxes are all adult diaper boxes. My next door neighbor works at a nursing home and has supplied me with hundreds of sturdy, uniformly-sized adult diaper boxes! I'm sure the new neighbors will wonder who the heck is moving in, and whether or not they should allow us to sit down on the new sofa if they invite us over.

A couple of dear friends stopped by today to help me and it was great. I still need to do the storage area of the basement, the linen closet and the pantry. The bedrooms are basically done. Life is going to be absolutely insane this week, climbing over and around the boxes in every room.

Eats are outrageously bad. I'm having a lot of trouble getting on track and staying on track right now. I'm not going to just cave but I'm also not going to beat myself up this week. A week from tomorrow is soon enough to start pulling it all together again. So far, my weight has been maintained fairly well, so I'm sure an off-week won't cause me to regain 20 pounds.

I prepped some food today, but not as much as usual. I made....

Roasted chicken breast

Roasted broccoli

Mexican ground turkey

Garden salad

Fruit tray

Hopefully this will keep me on the straight and narrow for at least some of the week. If I can hang tough for everything but one meal a day, I'll be really pleased with the week. Supper will consist of short cuts, drive thru and frozen pizza. That's just how it is.

Once I get moved, I'll be cutting an hour out of my day by getting rid of my current commute. I'll have more time to update - I know I've been lagging, so I really thank those of you who have stuck with me. Starting next week, I'll be updating with my new weight-loss plan as the diet break ends and the dieting begins. I'll also be creating more yummy recipes and meal plans, and I'm really looking forward to getting back to the gym!

Sept. 24: Bra Shopping

2010-09-24T18:54:00.000-07:00

My poor, formerly fat body has been readjusting itself lately. It looks like sh*t. This is my body's big "eff you!" for being so out of shape for so many years. I haven't been the same general weight for this many months in a very long time, so my body has settled in. I look like I'm wearing a fat suit minus the stuffing. My body is giving me the finger.

Today I went bra shopping because, quite simply, my old bras are just formed cups that are half empty. They were looking funny under clothes.

I really liked my boobs before. They were moderately perky, considering that I'm over 40. They were looking hot in a good bra, all nice and round and full looking.

My old bras are 38DDs.
Today, I put my poor saggy boobies into 36Cs. Ugh. I had to basically fold them to put them in a bra. A 36C bra. Then I had the joy of looking at my mostly naked self under fluorescent lights in the three way mirror at La Senza. It was not a pretty sight.

Not only are my boobs looking droopy and wilted, to make matters worse, I have saggy skin. I realized a couple of days ago that what I thought were fat rolls are actually skin rolls. I'd rather have fat rolls because I could get rid of those. Skin rolls,will remain there in all of their gross majesty until I win the lottery and have plastic surgery.

"See the results of all that work you did?" my body hisses. "Haha - and you thought you'd be wearing a bikini next summer!"
The rolls of skin are all over my torso. They are conveniently located under my arms (think bingo wings), under the edge of my much smaller bras, and on my kangaroo baby pouch. They also line my sides giving me a muffin top without the fun of eating the damned muffin.
My torso is just sad. It looks like a sharpei. Thus the above illustration.

My boobies look like half deflated balloons, sitting dejectedly on my chest.

Not a high self esteem day, gotta tell you. Three way mirrors suck ass. I'd still like to lose some weight the good old-fashioned way, with exercise and diet, but I bet If I got rid of the abundant skin I'd instantly drop about 5 pounds as well as 1-2 clothing sizes.

I'd like to say something motivating. I'd like to tell you how happy I am that I lost the weight. I'd like to describe my happy go lucky attitude about the skin drooping around my torso and detail the great workout I had.

But that would be a steaming pile of bullsh*t.

I'm bummed. Seriously bummed.

How will I ever get naked in front of someone again? Isn't it false advertising to fold my boobs into a pushup bra, smooth out the wrinkles in my skin with Spanx and go out in a hot dress? When all the props come off, what's left is not that great.

I realized today there will be no visible abs. There will be no bikinis on the beach. Short of having surgery, there is just no way to smooth out that poor stretched sack holding my innards together.

Vanity rules.

I wanted to be healthier, sure. And I am healthier.

But I also wanted to look hot. And I'm not.

Sept. 19: Sunday Food Prep or How NOT To Go Off-Plan

2010-09-19T11:35:00.000-07:00

Sunday is here and that means Sunday Food Prep. I've gone all out because I want to stay on track this week - that track I have veered far from over the past few weeks!

I've made a pot roast with lots of yummy leftovers, baked some low fat sausages (also with leftovers) and made a broccoli, cauliflower and chicken salad. I cooked some Mexican ground turkey for taco salad lunches too. This week, yogurt was on sale, so I stocked up, and we have piles of fruit to add to our daily protein parfaits.

Leftovers are positively vital to nutritional success, at least for me. If I have to start from scratch with too many meals, I will simply hit the nearest drive through - that's all there is to it!

I've made my plan. About a week after we've moved, I'm going to start dieting again. I've reached my initial goal, but I have further to go. Hopefully the 10 week diet break has been enough of a shock to my system that I will be able to use a more moderate deficit and still lose.

I know the blog has been kind of dull lately - I have more ideas for it than I do time right now. I am going to update a couple of times a week for the next little while, and then once I'm moved, I should be able to get back to the overly chatty Daisy you all know~

Love ya!

Sep. 16: Focus on, focus off

2010-09-16T16:11:00.000-07:00

I'll tell you, this maintenance stuff is NOT easy.

I'm great at dieting. We've established this.

Maintaining is a whole new ballgame.

One day, I take all my food to work and have a great day.

The next day, I take all my food to work and think....."naah.... I want a cheeseburger."

What's up with that?

The other issue is getting to the gym. For some strange reason, I can't seem to work out if everything else is going smoothly. I'm getting so frustrated with myself. I'm trying to plan some other ways to get some exercise in.

Once I've moved, in a couple of weeks, I'd like to really concentrate on getting it all together. Without the commute, I should be able to build an extra hour into my day. Of course, waiting two more weeks until I've moved sounds a lot like an excuse, doesn't it?

The good news is, the weight is staying the same, only slight fluctuations. I don't want to be floppy though - must get to the gym, darn it!

This weekend, I am going to do my food prep and get my coming week together!

Maintenance is NOT a walk in the park!

Random Philosophizing........

2010-09-11T15:21:00.000-07:00

I feel like I got plucked out of my life for a year and just got dropped back into it.

It feels like I've been living some random episode of a science fiction program, or maybe one of those dream sequences like in The Wizard of Oz, where the dream is so intense and so real that you, and only you, are convinced that it actually happened.

So many things are the same ..... so normal again ..... and so many things are different.
A year ago, July, my dad passed away. We were incredibly close and it's still a gaping wound.

A year ago August, my boss ticked me off and I quit my job, just like that. I felt, and still do, that he screwed me over on a bonus check.

A year ago September I borrowed $31000 against my house and opened a bead store. I was still so messed up about my dad that I did not give it an absolute 100%. Maybe the location was bad. Maybe it was the economy. Either way, by the end of December, it had failed.

At the beginning of last December, I decided I had to do something about my emotional eating and weight issues. I was about 220 pounds at that point. I began this blog at the same time.

At the end of December, I closed up my store and moved all my inventory home.

By the end of January, I was unable to find a job and had to apply for welfare to keep us fed.

In February, my oldest daughter moved out to go live with her father. I thought my heart would break in two.

In March, I finally went to the doctor for my depression and anxiety disorder. I had begun to experience such extreme anxiety that I was showing symptoms of agoraphobia. I rarely left the house. I felt like such a failure that I imagined people were scoffing at me, so I just didn't go anywhere that I might run into someone.

In May, I finally found a job and started training at the cesspool. The pay was so low I was still receiving money from welfare.

In June I reached my first goal weight of 165.

I hardly saw my kids all summer. They got to go on the vacation of a lifetime with my mom, who took them on a tour of the western US, including the Grand Canyon. I got a lot of writing done and finished editing my book about emotional eating.

In August I stopped making payments on my house, in order to have the money to move before it gets foreclosed on. My current debt load is well over $200,000.

Now, it's September again. I am back at my old workplace, with all of my old work friends. I am making a very good living again (or will be once I get a paycheck.)

I've lost so much over the past year. The biggest of those, was of course, my dad. I think of him everyday and wish I could just see him one more time.

It breaks my heart to lose the house. I look around and see the little things that my dad repaired here and there and it makes me so sad to leave. It's been our home for 4 years and I was so proud of buying it on my own.

I "lost" Chloe when she moved in with her dad.

I found some things too. I found that I had the inner resources to actually write a book - whether it gets published, we will see. I have a busy blog that I love writing. I lost a ton of weight and found my health. I found my inner jock that loves going to the gym, going hiking and trying new things. I found loads of new friends online that I feel as close to as anyone in "real" life.

Was this all some grand karmic experiment so that I could learn a valuable lesson? It all seems so surreal.

I really feel the hand of something Divine in all that has happened. I know I will never underestimate the power grief can have over your life. I feel blessed that no matter how bad things got, we never went without necessities - food, shelter, utilities.
One thing I've learned is that it can all change in the blink of an eye. There is no such thing as real security. A single bad decision can cartwheel through your life and take it all away. Real security comes from within, knowing that it is not the material things that are important, and knowing that you will be able to provide that next meal for your family.

I think the biggest lesson of all, though, is to appreciate the blessings and good things in life without always wanting more.

It's great to always strive for more or better, but only if you can also be happy with where you are. There is a fine line of motivation there. Many cannot work hard to improve themselves if they are happy. They just go with the status quo.

The real trick is to grasp what you have, love it, and enjoy it. Then try to do more just because you can - not because then you can get a nicer car, a bigger mortgage, or pay off the debt you racked up trying to buy your happiness or keep up with the Joneses.

I wasted years of my life by lacking appreciation for what I had. Now I feel I can be motivated without having to be unhappy to fuel my efforts. I want to do a good job because I feel accomplishment when I do so. I want to write because I love to write and I have experiences that I think can help other people. Mostly, I want to get off the hamster wheel and just smile because I feel good.

If there is one thing I can pass on to my daughters, I pray that it can be this lesson.

Sept. 8: If it's not one thing..... and other random thoughts

2010-09-08T17:00:00.000-07:00

Well, the food is not perfect, but it's somewhat on track.

Now I can't seem to make it to the gym to save my life!

What's up with that? It seems like, if it's not one thing, it's the other. I have a lot of trouble keeping eats on track and getting to the gym at the same time. The new job is longer hours, first of all. I have a 1 hour round trip commute until I get moved. This week has been "back to school" for my little one so we've been running around like maniacs getting school supplies, sneakers, etc. Sigh.

Now I'm going to ramble about yogurt. Have you ever tried Source Lemon Meringue Yogurt? I try not to consume much artificial sweetener but I can't stop eating this stuff. It's HEAVEN. If you haven't tried it, you should!

Today's tally:

1,507 calories
157 carbs
45 fat
117 protein

This includes taking R out to dinner to celebrate back to school. She chose Pizza Pizza and we ordered slices. I got spicy BBQ pizza and the damage was only 440 calories.

I got a bunch of great packing boxes from my neighbor. They are perfect - a good size, very sturdy, and they have handles. She got them for me from her workplace, a nursing home. So now, my possessions will be moved in a uniform set of adult diaper boxes. That kept me giggling for a quite a while as I loaded a couple of them today.

Sept. 6: Meal Prep for the Week

2010-09-06T14:26:00.000-07:00

This week's food prep included:

Baked Brown Rice (shown above)
Balsamic Chicken Breasts (baked at the same time as the rice
Mexican Style Ground Meat (combo of x-lean ground beef and x-lean ground chicken)
Guacamole
Steamer bag of broccoli and cauliflower
Broccoli/Cauliflower Salad

This sets us up for all sorts of quick easy meals.

Tonight we had Mexican pizza ( refried beans, Mex Meat, salsa and a sprinkle of cheese on a pita)
This week we will also have
Chicken, rice and steamed veggies
Taco salad
Broc/Caul salad with diced chicken
BBQ Chicken Pita Pizza

I love looking at my prepped food in the fridge - it really starts the week off on the right foot for me, plus it saves a ton of money!

We've also got a nice load of fresh fruits and veggies, yogurt, granola, and Ezekiel bread.

There is no better feeling than having enough healthy food to last for the week. I am blessed.

Sept. 6: Labor Day Randomness

2010-09-06T06:38:00.000-07:00

It has been one day since my last confession.

I ate potato chips and dip.

Again.

Well, I seem to have trouble having a completely guilt-free day. On the bright side, my diet must be changing somewhat, because the chips and dip I had for dinner made me so sick! I couldn't eat anything else for the rest of the day.

I did well until the chips and dip incident.

Yesterday's Eats:

m1: ezekial toast with natural pb, skim milk

m2: fat free yogurt w/ protein powder, fresh peach, and granola

m3: chicken breast and oven fries

m4: Kashi Honey Puff cereal

m5: chips and chipotle dip

Unfortunately I can also chalk up the chips and dip incident to my state of mind. My ex wanted to take the girls to a party. After his temper tantrum last month, and his refusal to let me spend time with them during "his" month, I really wanted to say no. However, I gritted my teeth and did what I thought was best for the girls and let them go to the party. He picked them up and I immediately walked to the corner store and bought diet coke and chips.

Sigh....

I guess this habit did not create itself in a day, so it may take more than a day to get rid of it again.

This feels like.....a relapse.

I'm going to keep documenting my food, prepping in advance and wiping out the "reasons" and "excuses" one by one, just like I did before.

I've really enjoyed the long weekend. I got to spend lots of time with my girls and we've found an apartment to move into. It's tiny but very cute and only 3 blocks from work. It's also only a block from R's new school. It's a relief to know where we are going to be - it helps also because now I know what I need to get rid of!

Today's plan is some cleaning, to get the house showing ready again, and some downsizing. I need to divide my belongings into "keep" "store" and "sell". I'm also going to do the food prep that was neglected yesterday.

Sept. 5: It Could Have Been Worse

2010-09-05T04:49:00.000-07:00

Well, as promised, I am documenting my food intake, whether it's good, bad or ugly. Yesterday ended up halfway between bad and ugly because I got caught out unprepared.

My little one and I went apartment hunting yesterday. We were running late for our first appointment, so we did not get a chance to eat lunch before we left. We hit a drive thru and got a small snack to keep us from dying. I selected a "McMini" grilled chicken sandwich and a bottle of water. 280 calories. Okay, not so bad.

We looked at 4 apartments. We found our lucky winner, which was really exciting. It's 3 blocks from my work and a block and a half from R's school, and in a nice family neighborhood.

At my daughter's request, we stopped to make an appointment for a haircut. She was able to get in within a half an hour, so we got another "snack". We shared a pretzel - my half : 185 calories.

The haircut took longer than expected. By this time it was after 6. We were absolutely ravenous. I was shaking I was so hungry. I hit the "don't really care" stage - you all know that stage, where you are so hungry that your diet means nothing. Yeah, that stage. Back to McDonald's, because it was the closest.

So, my final tally for the day:

1,788 calories
186 carbs
76 fat
89 protein

You'd think with all of those calories I would have gotten a decent influx of protein. Nope.

At least the caloric damage was not too awful. Unfortunately, the only veggie I got all day was the wilted lettuce and tomato on my burger.

I feel good about tracking this, despite the unfortunate choices made.

Today is another day. We have no place we have to be today - only church. So there is no excuse for bad food today!

Sept. 4: Digging In

2010-09-04T05:36:00.000-07:00

Now that the number one stressor in my life is resolved (money, employment and lack thereof), it's time to get things back on track.

I can focus because:

a.) I have a job that will pay enough for me to actually live on.
b.) I know what city to focus my apartment hunt on
c.) I know things are turning around for the better

So, now to attack the things I have let go: my diet and exercise plan.

I'm disappointed. I thought that I had conquered emotional eating. What I've learned is that you don't conquer it - it's like being a recovering alcoholic, and it's something that will always be there. I can manage it through most things but if the stress is intense enough I will cave.

I have to forgive myself, first of all. I need to look at the situation as a friend would see it. I need to take a look at the things I have been going through, understand that it was an intolerable situation, and let it go. I have to be kind and understanding to myself, which is way easier said than done when you are a perfectionist.

So what do you do when you've screwed up and put on 8 hard-fought pounds during "maintenance"?

I'm no expert (except for the putting on pounds part), but I guess I just need to start dieting again. After 8 months of it, I should be darned good at it.

I'm going back to the beginning of my plan and starting from there.

I'm going to combine Tosca Reno's Clean Eating diet with calorie counting. My biggest mistake occurred when I stopped tracking my food. If I had logged it and seen that I was consuming 2000-3000 calories a day, I think I would have caught this before I gained 8 pounds. But maybe I didn't want to catch it. Perhaps I just wanted to indulge and try to feel better.

Anyway, today I begin tracking my food and cutting out all the processed junk. There is nothing "bad" in my house right now, so no purge is needed. I have delicious and healthy groceries in the fridge and I'm going to do some food prep for the week ahead. I'm going to leave the debit card and cash at home so that there is no way to veer off course through a handy drive through. I'm going to start boring you all by posting my eats, calories and macros, as well as my work outs.

I'm glad I have a long weekend to detox myself and get back on track!

Sept 2: New Day

2010-09-03T03:36:00.000-07:00

So yesterday, the phone rang during my bitter funk, and it was for a job that pays more than twice what the one I quit paid. I start today! It's at a place I used to work, in a position that I am somewhat familiar with, so I feel no first day jitters about it.

I also want to say thank you so much for the warm notes of support you guys sent to me yesterday, both here and privately. Reading them made me feel so cared for by friends, some of whom I've never met, but feel like I know so well.

I'm off to pack my healthy food for WORK. Hopefully this reduction of stress will help me to make better choices now that I can concentrate on other things again. I also now have a plan. I'm moving to the town that the job is in by October 1, whether the house has sold or not. It's within the same region so my ex husband can't do anything about it - my problems with him are over - the current one anyway - he always dreams up something new.

Sept.2: No Direction

2010-09-02T05:06:00.000-07:00

This sign is a perfect example of my life right now.

I'm not impressed with myself.

I've gained back about 8 pounds - that hard-fought 8 pounds that it nearly killed me to take off. I'm really not impressed with myself, because I thought I had resolved my emotional eating issues, and here they are, rearing their ugly heads again.

Potato chips really don't make me feel better. I keep thinking they will, but they just make me fit, which makes me feel worse.

At this point my blog is turning into a sounding board instead of a place of inspiration, which was not the image I've had in mind for it. However, it is what it is, and I promised from the beginning to keep things real.

So here is my reality.

~ I lost my job at the cesspool. I quit, actually, which probably sounds pretty stupid. I told them once school started, there was no option, I had to have days. I explained I have a 9 year old little girl at home. What did they do? They made my schedule for now until Christmas and the shift is 3:30 to midnight! I would NEVER see my daughter. I'd have to wake her up in the middle of the night to bring her home every night. No. Just, no.

~ So, I am unemployed yet again.

~ I've applied for a job that I was supposed to hear about yesterday. It was something that the company contacted me about. I even filled in there part time until they made their hiring decision. I fear that since I didn't hear from them yesterday, I did not get the job.

~ I went to the bank yesterday and stopped payment on my mortgages. The house is on the market. Basically if it does not sell in 30 days, the bank will take it. Either way, my credit is shot. I'll be living a cash life, I suppose. I just feel like I need to hoard that money for those payments because Rachel and I must have a place to live when all is said and done.

~ I have a couple of other job leads. If these don't pan out, I must make some very quick decisions, like where the heck I'm going to live. I think if I don't get these jobs, I need to move somewhere with more opportunities. I'm a pretty qualified person and I've been unemployed on and off for over a year now. This area is dry, at least for me.

~ I'm feeling very sorry for myself right about now. Luckily I have the world's best friends, who have promised that I won't have to look for a sturdy refrigerator box. My philosopher friend, S, has me thinking in a different direction. She told me, "You didn't want to work in that industry to start with. You didn't want to live in this area to start with. You wanted to follow your dreams, and maybe these rejections are pointing you in that direction." I love you, S - you are the perfect friend.

~ My ex-husband thinks that he should have custody of our daughter. I have sole custody of both of our girls, but my oldest (15) has chosen to live with her dad. There is not a lot of supervision there. He, who is thousands of dollars behind in child support, feels that he can provide more financial stability. I would comment further but I try not to swear in my blog. It may require legal action for me to be allowed to move out of this area. Nine years after the divorce, and he is still trying to control my life. If I lost custody of my little one, I honestly don't think I could survive that.

~ None of the above is really helping with my depression and anxiety disorder.

People keep telling me how strong I am. But anyone can finally get knocked down so many times they can't get back up again. Is this that knockout punch for me? Financial disaster, custody issues, unemployment and out of control eating patterns?

My world, such as it is, has spiralled out of my control. I hope that whoever is at the wheel has my best interests at heart.

Aug. 29: Grrr

2010-08-29T12:23:00.000-07:00

I am wildly attracted to the food group, "Crunchy Salties." I've had a hell of a week, actually a hell of a year. I've been doing well fighting off the emotional eating demons until now.

Now, I just want Crunchy Salties, and I'll; be darned if I'm not shoveling them in. Daisy of the iron control - well, my friends, that iron has been melted and now it's just a soggy puddle of gray stuff at my feet.

I've used my usual coping mechanisms. I've prepped my food ahead of time. I always have something ready for a quick snack or meal. I take a walk when I'm hungry. Grrr..... I'm journaling, as you can plainly see, about this issue.

Now a week of this is not going to put me back at square number one, but I have the same "Screw it" attitude right now that got me above 200 pounds in the first place. The scale is up TEN POUNDS from last week. I'm reasonable, I know I did not eat 10 pounds worth of Doritos and Ruffles, but I'm retaining huge water from the salt and I'm certain that I've gained a few pounds.

A few weeks ago I gave away every single item of clothing I own that is too big for me right now. I did this in self defense, because if the day comes where I can't fit into my clothes, I'll have no other option but to lose weight - I can't afford new stuff!

This week, the focus is on using every tool in my arsenal to get back on track nutritionally. I'm far better armed for this battle than I was a year ago. I've learned so much about dieting properly, working out, and myself, that I know I can succeed.

One thing I realized today is that the person staring out of the mirror at me, mocking me, is someone I don't know. I don't know what looks good on me anymore. I am having some trouble not being the fat girl. It's disconcerting to catch a glimpse of myself in a store window and not realize it's me that I'm looking at. Thinner women are definitely treated differently out in the world. It's like I've gone from being completely invisible to being someone that people notice.

Maybe this attack of identity crisis is some of the issue. I'm sure it has nothing to do with the endless barrage of financial issues. I wake up in a panic in the middle of the night when there is a vehicle idling outside my house, certain it's the repo man, here for my care. I'm waiting for the bank to call and say, "You have 10 days to get out - we are taking back our house." I cringe at the ringing of the phone because I know it's only going to be another person to whom I owe money. At the grocery store, I watch the register intently so I can stop the cashier from ringing in an item that brings me over my budget for that day. Opening the mailbox each day, I feel as though there might be a cobra in there, coiled and ready to strike. Often there is a cobra, and it's named The Electric Company, The Cable Company or Chrysler Financial. The worst thing of it is that I'm taking all the steps to get out of this pit and they simply aren't working.

No wonder my head hurts.

People tell me I'm strong, but really, I'm not. I'm doing what anyone else would do if faced with the housing option of a cardboard refrigerator box. I'm putting one foot in front of the other, trying to keep the wolves away from the door. It's just what you do - you keep trying because giving up has even worse consequences.

And really, I feel guilty when I think about all of the families in Pakistan who have lost their homes due to flooding. When you put things in that perspective, my life is a walk in the park, comparatively.

I need to go throw out the Crunchy Salties now.

Aug 25: Holy Serious Awesomeness!

2010-08-27T15:26:00.000-07:00

Wow! Midori, Mighty Warrior, you rock! Thank you for the award - I'm all melty and teary.

So now, I get to tell you all 10 things you don't already know about me. Since I blog and talk all about my life, that might be tough!

1.) I can touch my nose with my tongue.

2.) I was the geeky unpopular girl in high school...and middle school...and elementary school

3.) I have 72 pairs of shoes.

4.) I'm adopted.

5.) I can speak fluent Pig Latin.

6.) I'm double jointed and can turn my thumb around completely backwards.

7.) During my misspent youth I got thrown out of bars more than once for brawling .....with guys.

8.) In my early 20s I spent 2 years driving around the US and Canada with my dog (my hippie phase)

9.) I have no favorite color because I like too many of them to choose just one.

10.) All of our pets have "people" names: Paul, Daisy, and Katie.

Gee, if you didn't know before, now you really know how weird I am. Midori, thank you again - this really rocks my world and means a lot to me. One of the things that I've wanted to change about my life is that I want to make a difference for others. This has helped me to realize just by sharing, we can each be that little inspiration that keeps someone on the right track.

I'd like to pass this award on to Chris at A Deliberate Life. Chris, your blog inspires me, touches me, brings me to tears and makes me laugh my butt off, sometimes all in the same post.

Aug. 27: Stress and Dieting

2010-08-27T13:34:00.000-07:00

I've written a lot about what not to eat when your stressed out. It's been a pretty constant theme - don't dive into the ice cream, cookies do NOT make you feel better, french fries will not cheer you up.

But this week, while I was offline, I had a stress epiphany. It really isn't something grand that I've discovered because of complicated scientific research, or a divine message from an angel delivered on a mountaintop amidst a herald of angels blowing trumpets all around me.

Stress is basically an illness.

I've had a headache for nearly a month. I've been bitchy (like scary, badass, mean bitchy) because of it, nauseous because of it, and lethargic because of it. Finally I broke down and went to the doctor because I simply couldn't take it anymore. The feeling of the headphone at work touching my ear hurt so much I was seeing dancing spots in front of my eyes. I left work and went to the walk-in clinic, where, luckily, my doctor was working that night.

I explained the headache to her and pointed out the area at the back of my neck, near my left shoulder, the point from where the pain was radiating. She gently laid her had on it and I almost threw up from the pain.

She asked, "Are you under any additional stress lately?"

Hmmmm.... "Well, I'm racing with the bank to see if I can sell my house before they foreclose on it, I hide my car so it doesn't get repossessed and my ex husband thinks now would be a perfect time to take me to court for custody of my little girl. Oh yeah, and I hate HATE hate my job. I'm a bit stressed."

She clucked her tongue at me and said, "Look what you have done to yourself! You are one big knotted muscle - why did you wait so long to come see me?"

Hmmmm.......

Anyhow, to make a long story at least a little shorter, she prescribed something for tension and a muscle relaxant to take before bedtime. She also told me not to worry so much. Gee, that's a great idea! Okay! I'd like to tell you I have returned a much calmer and less worried Daisy, but alas, I'm still a basket case.

However, I learned something. Stress must be treated like any other illness. If you child was sick, would you feed her a big bowl of Cool Ranch Doritoes with salsa for supper? Would you decide that an entire pizza might settle his/her little stomach? Perhaps the entire container of cookie dough ice cream would help the dear child recover from the flu more quickly.

It's doubtful. You'd cook up the most nourishing soup possible, chock full of vitamin-laden vegetables, lean protein and healing herbs. You might make a fresh fruit platter for him to nibble on while he rested on the sofa. The glass of orange juice would be bottomless, as you constantly pumped vitamin C into your little darlin'. You would want to aid in your child's recovery by giving them the most nourishing, delicious REAL FOOD you could provide.

Perhaps we should consider "treating" stress the same way. We should nourish ourselves with delicious vegetables, lean protein, whole grains and decadent fruits. We should pamper ourselves as though we are trying to recover from the flu, feeding ourselves instead of depriving ourselves.

A time of great stress is not the time to go gangbusters on your diet. It is the time to treat your body kindly and take the effort to heal yourself through eating wonderful food with a great nutritional profile. Don't deprive yourself and cut your calories to the bone - dieting itself is stressful on the body and fighting off cravings is hard enough when your state of mind is excellent and focused.

NOW, don't read this and think, "Cool, Daisy said I should pamper myself - I'll get two kinds of ice cream!" No, Daisy said, fill up with nutritious delicious things, and aid in healing yourself through the vitamins found in healthy foods! Daisy said, don't try to starve yourself and stick to a no-carb monastic diet of water and plain tuna.

This is all just a personal theory - as I comment frequently I'm not a scientist and I have no degrees in anything health related. But it really makes sense to me that now is not the time to add extra pressure to my load, lest it all just flatten me into a bloody patch of roadkill on the highway of life.

I'm SO GLAD TO BE BACK! I missed you while my computer was at the computer spa!

Aug 20: Technical Difficulties

2010-08-20T06:43:00.000-07:00

My computer is in the shop (thankfully under warranty!).

Technical Difficulties.

Please stand by.

I'll be back next week!

Aug 19 ~ Starting Over

2010-08-19T09:39:00.000-07:00

I have a proclamation. It's about what I feel is the toughest, yet most important part of both weight loss and maintenance.

STARTING OVER AS MANY TIMES AS NECESSARY IS HOW YOU REACH YOUR GOAL WEIGHT, AND HOW YOU MAINTAIN IT ONCE YOU'RE THERE.

Nobody is perfect, and yet we all expect ourselves to be. And yet if you look at the diet of Jillian Michaels, Tosca Reno, Jamie Eason, heck, pick your favorite buff celebrity, I bet they all have meals they wish they could undo. If I talked to one of them and they said otherwise, I just flat out wouldn't believe them.

The difference between us and them? They shake it off and move on. They start over with the very next meal or snack. They wake up with a clean slate in the morning and start over with a great breakfast.

But me, well, sometimes, I slip into the, "I've already screwed up today so what does it matter" pit. Some of you probably do it too. There's also the "I'm on vacation pit", the "This will cheer me up" pit and the "I give up" pit.

Today, I'm watching my best friend's little girls and I slipped into the "There's nothing else to eat" pit. For breakfast, despite the perfectly presentable banana sitting on the counter, I had Skippy peanut butter on Ritz crackers with a few Chewy Chips Ahoy on the side. What could I do, there was nothing else to eat.

So that means for lunch I should polish off the cookies and maybe make a grilled cheese on white bread, right? NO. I'm going to "start over." I'm going to eat that banana and pilfer through the fridge and find something healthy like I should have done this morning. I'm not going to let a pile of sugar and carbs rule the rest of my day.

All too often, a holiday, a rotten day or a special occasion comes along. It's okay to give yourself permission to go off plan at those times. But then, you simply start over. Your next meal should be what you would normally eat. Don't go all "monk" on yourself and eat crusts and drink water for three days, perhaps self-flagellating between meals. Go back on your plan and eat as you normally would, getting in your carbs, healthy fats and protein.

Don't worry about starting over. Don't see it as a sign of failure - see it as a sign of success that you are strong enough to do that. Start over every day if you have to, more than once a day if that is necessary. Just get back in the saddle and one of these days, you will arrive at your destination!

Aug. 18: Toxin Review ~ Trisodium Phosphate

2010-08-18T07:07:00.000-07:00

I procrastinate, but I do finally get things done. A while back, I told you I was unhappy with the research I had used for my "Toxin of the Day" series. I learned after writing the series that animal studies were not always applicable in humans, and I promised to do more research and rewrite those posts. At long last, let's get started.

INTRO

Consider preservatives for a moment. How do you think they preserve food? They preserve food by making it inhospitable to mold and bacteria. Basically, most of them are nothing but minute doses of pesticides. If they are toxic to bacteria, a living organism, how do you think that they affect our bodies?

I'll preface this by saying, I'm not a scientist. I'm a writer. I research things and draw conclusions. I'm finding information from what I believe are trust-worthy sources and providing this information to you, along with my own opinions.

Many people walk around feeling sick and exhausted all of the time. There are diseases that are extremely hard to diagnose, like fibromyalgia and chronic fatigue syndrome, that never used to exist. I believe this is because of the constant influx of toxins and pesticides we are voluntarily consuming. The point of this series is not to say, "Never eat this food again." It's simply to make you aware of what you are putting into your body, and even more importantly, the bodies of your children.

Today's lucky winner is Trisodium Phosphate. We're going to dissect it, see where it comes from, what else it is used for and figure out the potential effects of this on our bodies.

Sodium phosphates are used as an emulsifier - that means they blend foods that would not normally stay blended. You know when you make something from scratch and you mix it, then leave it on the counter for a while? When you come back, the ingredients have separated. Sodium phosphates are added to keep that separation from occurring. They are commonly found in processed cheeses, processed meats, and canned soups. It can also be used as a leavening agent in batter or commercial cakes. It's in Cheerios, too, which every mom in North American feeds their little ones.

But here's the scary part. Trisodium Phosphate is used for a lot of other things, and none of it sounds appetizing.
The primary use for this chemical is in cleaning products. Particularly, it is the active ingredient in many toilet bowl cleaners. I actually have one in my bathroom that contains this product. This is what the warning label says:

MAY DAMAGE GROUT AND CORRODE METAL. USE GLOVES WHILE HANDLING THIS PRODUCT.......

The Clean Water Act has taken steps to limit use of this product in cleaning supplies because of the damage it causes to the environment. They have great ecological concerns about this chemical being introduced into our water supply.

Sodium phosphate, tribasic is designated as a hazardous substance under section 311(b)(2)(A) of the Federal Water Pollution Control Act and further regulated by the Clean Water Act Amendments of 1977 and 1978. These regulations apply to discharges of this substance. This designation includes any isomers and hydrates, as well as any solutions and mixtures containing this substance.
[40 CFR 116.4 (USEPA); U.S. National Archives and Records Administration's Electronic Code of Federal Regulations.

The FDA, however, still deems Trisodium Phosphate safe to eat. The phrase used by the FDA is "allowable tolerances", meaning that in certain amounts, this caustic substance is unlikely to cause harm.

What one must consider, though, is in a a day full of a diet of processed food, is it possible, even likely, that you will consume more than the "allowable tolerances"? Do you even want to consume food that has "allowable tolerances"?
Another favorite reference of mine with these toxins is the Material Data Safety Sheet. Keep in mind, this is an industrial reference guide referring to contact with the pure unadulterated substance, but the warnings about the pure substance are food for thought.

This is what the MSDS has to say about Trisodium Phosphate:

Trisodium Phosphate

3. Hazards Identification

Emergency Overview

--------------------------

WARNING! HARMFUL IF SWALLOWED OR INHALED. CAUSES IRRITATION TO SKIN, EYES AND RESPIRATORY TRACT.

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Potential Health Effects
Inhalation: Tri Sodium Phosphate causes irritation to the respiratory tract. Symptoms may include coughing, shortness of breath. Behaves as a moderately strong alkali; intense exposure may result in the destruction of mucous membranes. May cause asthmatic bronchitis, chemical pneumonitis, or pulmonary edema.

Ingestion: Trisodium Phosphate causes irritation to the gastrointestinal tract. Symptoms may include nausea, vomiting and diarrhea. May cause mild burning of mouth, throat, and stomach. Its alkaline nature may injure the esophagus and digestive tract. Aqueous, highly alkaline solutions may produce caustic burns.
Skin Contact: Tri Sodium Phosphate causes irritation to skin. Symptoms include redness, itching, and pain. Extent of damage depends on duration of contact. More serious effects may occur if the skin is moist. Aqueous, highly alkaline solutions may produce caustic burns.
Eye Contact: Trisodium Phosphate causes irritation to eyes, may be severe with possible corneal damage. Aqueous, highly alkaline solutions may produce caustic burns.
Chronic Exposure: Repeated exposure of Trisodium Phosphate may cause symptoms similar to those listed for acute effects. May cause permanent tissue damage to the skin and eyes.

Aggravation of Pre-existing Conditions: No information found.

4. First Aid Measures

Inhalation: Remove to fresh air. If not breathing, give artificial respiration. If breathing is difficult, give oxygen. Get medical attention.

Ingestion: Do NOT induce vomiting. Give large amounts of water. Never give anything by mouth to an unconscious person. Get medical attention.

Skin Contact: Immediately flush skin with plenty of soap and water for at least 15 minutes. Remove contaminated clothing and shoes. Get medical attention. Wash clothing before reuse. Thoroughly clean shoes before reuse.

Eye Contact: Immediately flush eyes with plenty of water for at least 15 minutes, lifting lower and upper eyelids occasionally. Get medical attention immediately.

I know, that's kind of long and boring and most of you didn't even read it. That's okay.

I did not find any information on long-term physical effects of consumption of this product. Maybe there aren't any. However, the information regarding the chemical itself is enough to make me plan to avoid Trisodium Phosphate.

Eat this if you want to. The FDA says it's "generally recognized as safe" in certain amounts. But if you choose to consume this chemical and feed it to your kids, at least you are doing so with your eyes open.

Know what you're eating!

Aug. 17: Random Bloggishness

2010-08-17T06:15:00.000-07:00

Above is the lunch I packed for work yesterday. Clockwise from left, broccoli/cauliflower salad w/ diced chicken breast, Kashi cereal and raisins, yogurt with protein powder, strawberries and blueberries. I always take enough food that I have at least a small snack for every break, otherwise I tend to hit the evil vending machines.

Today, I'm without a specific topic. I'm just randomly writing.

Money issues continue to haunt me. Yesterday brought with it a surprise cheque - a tax rebate. Unfortunately it also brought a shut-off notice for the gas bill that politely requests 3 times the amount of that cheque. It seems like there is a financial drama on nearly a daily basis. The whole thing is really getting old. It's not because I spend money frivolously. It's simply because I don't make enough to pay my bills, and I got way way behind when I was unemployed.

I've discovered that under-employment is just as bad as unemployment. It's a little more money, but I have to spend more money too: gas for the car, childcare - it just isn't working out in a way that allows me to break even. I'm looking for another job - I apply for jobs every single day. I'm trying to sell the house, which will get rid of a huge expense and a lot of debt. It's hard just waiting for these things to pan out.

I'm going to continue the workout trend today. After breakfast, I'm taking the dog for a long ramble through the woods for some cardio and stress relief. I'm determined not to let stress get the better of my exercise program this time. I'm pleasantly sore and achy from my workout yesterday, so I know that I challenged myself sufficiently.

I don't want people to read this post and feel sorry for me. I don't want you thinking, "Poor Daisy. She can't ever catch a break." I want you to read this post and think to yourself, "If Daisy can deal with all of this stuff going on in her life, and she can still exercise and eat properly, then I can do it too."

Remember, you have two options.

#1. You can be broke and unhealthy, eating Cheetos while you bemoan your financial woes. Then perhaps you could step out for a Blizzard, because why does it really matter what you do? You're broke, you have a crappy job and ice cream isn't going to change your financial situation, one way or the other.

or....

#2. You can be broke and healthy. You can make a yummy broccoli salad while you look helplessly through your bills. You can still walk the dog while you are pondering the answer to getting yourself out of debt. While your food and exercise choices won't affect your financial situation, at least you will feel better, look better, and have the energy to fight your way through another day.

When you are in a bad personal situation, whether it is your financial stability, your relationship, or problems at work, you may be strapped for choices. There may seem like there is no way out. But you always have one choice: the way you treat yourself.

Please choose the option to take care of yourself and be healthy.

Aug. 16: Why Do We Skip the Things That Will Help?

2010-08-16T09:28:00.000-07:00

I have a question of the day. Actually a question of the life, because this is something I've done for years.

WHEN I'M HAVING A TOUGH TIME EMOTIONALLY, WHY DO I AVOID DOING THE VERY THINGS THAT MAKE ME FEEL BETTER?

Exercise makes me feel great. Lifting weights makes me feel strong and powerful, like I can take on the world. I see results every time I walk into the gym. I either hit another PR, or a notice a new bit of definition that wasn't there last time. So, rolled into one activity I have:

a self esteem boost

a step towards better health

a release of anxiety

a sense of accomplishment

So, why, then, when things are going badly, do I avoid the very thing that will make me feel better? I looked at my workout journal today and realized it has been one month to the day since I have lifted a weight.

This directly correlates with the realization that I am in a race with the bank to see if they get to foreclose on my house or if I can sell it before they do. It correlates with the fact that I make nearly $800 a month less than my monthly expenditures, and I am totally maxed out on all of my credit, and I just can't go on this way.

So I skip the gym?

In the wise words of my 9 year old.................

duh.

So what am I going to do about this? Well, today I got my butt to the gym. I felt great. I only lost a tiny bit of strength, which should come back quickly. I went back to my original full body workout, and for the next two weeks, I am alternating a cardio day and a lifting day, six days a week. I'm just going to do it until it's a habit as ingrained as brushing my teeth.

This is more than physical well-being at stake here - it's proving to myself that I don't deserve to feel bad and anxious. It's saying to myself that I get to do things to feel good, no matter what else is going wrong. It's basically telling me that I MATTER.

Aug 15: Food Prep

2010-08-15T09:41:00.000-07:00

I was really kind of surprised when the timing for making my food for the entire week was an hour, almost to the minute. I knew I spent approximately that amount of time, but it was interesting to document.

This week's menu:

Baked Chicken Breast

Turkey/Chicken Meatballs

Mexican Seasoned Turkey/Chicken Mixture

Broccoli/Cauliflower Salad

Garlic Roasted Cauliflower and Edamame

Garden Spinach Salad

Every week, when I have a day off, I spend time doing food prep. Whenever I fail to do this, I end up going off my plan unexpectedly because I'm hungry, dammit, and there's nothing to eat! Here's a little step-by-step of how I make a week's worth of food in an hour to heat and eat throughout the week.

STEP ONE

I always chop an abundance of onion, and I cheat and use already minced garlic - I hate when my hands are stinky. If I actually liked peppers, I'd chop those right now too. Then I sautee them in a bit of olive oil so they are ready for my recipes.

STEP TWO

I scooped out half of the onion and garlic mixture to add to my meatballs. The other ingredients in the meatballs are: equal parts of extra lean ground turkey and extra lean ground chicken, whole wheat cracker crumbs (from the food processor), egg white, finely chopped spinach, and Mrs. Dash.

STEP THREE

I add the rest of the ground meat to the skillet containing the remainder of the garlic and onion and cook it on low, stirring frequently.

STEP FOUR

I cook turkey bacon for the salad in the microwave on a paper-towel lined plate for about four minutes, or until crispy.

STEP FIVE

I get the meatballs and chicken breast ready to go into the oven. I use foil underneath so there is no scrubbing required. (I forgot to snap a before pic of the chicken.) Into a 350* oven goes the meat.

STEP SIX

Oops - I slacked on the pictures here. Veggie prep time. This week, I cut up cauliflower and broccoli. I took half of the cauliflower and stirred it with minced garlic, olive oil and edamame, throwing it in the oven to roast while the meat is cooking.

STEP SEVEN

The rest of the cauliflower and the broccoli go into a yummy cold salad that also contains Kraft Pure Raspberry Yogurt dressing, finely shredded cheddar and crumbled turkey bacon. (I accidentally took a pic of the French side of the salad dressing - the labels in Canada are French on one side and English on the other.)

STEP EIGHT

I season the now cooked ground meat with an organic ketchup sweetened with evaporated cane juice (it's better for you than refined sugar), chili powder, and sea salt.

STEP NINE

I prepare a basic salad with baby spinach and cherry tomatoes. This salad can have any protein added to it during the week to make a super quick meal.

STEP TEN

I save last week's strawberries from certain demise by slicing them up and putting them in pre-measured servings in Ziploc bags. These go in the freezer to be added to protein yogurt during the week.

And that's it. From upper left hand corner, clockwise: Mexican Seasoned Ground Meat, Meatballs, Broccoli/Cauliflower Salad, Baked Chicken Breasts topped with BBQ Sauce, Spinach Salad and Roasted Cauliflower and Edamame.

Now, I have no excuse to for not grabbing a healthy meal - I can put one together faster than you can say "Drive-thru" or "Pizza Hut." I also have staples like Greek yogurt, Kashi cereal, skim milk, fresh fruit, low fat cheese, tuna, whole grain crackers and whole grain organic pitas. Good eats this week!

Aug. 15: What's YOUR excuse?

2010-08-15T06:41:00.000-07:00

Every day, there is something in your way, deterring your journey to better health.

Doesn't it always seem easier for everybody else? Especially movie stars or that all-around go-getter at work that always does everything perfectly. They seem to just have it made without any effort. But even for people like that, life is full of choices - it's all about the priorities in your life.

I'd look good too if I was rich enough to afford a personal trainer to kick my butt.
Not if you didn't actually go to the gym and meet with that trainer. Let your personal trainer be fitness magazines and the internet!

It would be easy to lose weight if I had a personal chef making me all sorts of healthy, low fat meals.
You're cooking anyway, so just make the choice to cook differently.

It's her job to look good - she doesn't have anything else to do.
Do you really think that's true? Does she have kids? A spouse? A script to memorize or a personal appearance to make? Successful people are nearly always busy.

I'd have time to work out if I had a nanny.
Do you have a friend with kids that you could trade babysitting duties with? Could you go on your lunch break when the kids are in school? What about your spouse - he could do some kid-duty while you hit the gym. Put the baby in the stroller for a nice long walk and let your older child pedal his bike along with you.

I can't even afford a gym membership - there is no way I can get fit.
You can walk, do a DVD, run, find a piece of equipment on Craigslist or at yard sales - where there is a will, there's a way. When I first started out, I did squats and lunges with a 40 pound bag of dog food cradled in my arms.

The point I'm trying to make is, of course, rather obvious. There is always a way to make healthier choices. If you really, really want something, you don't think about the obstacles - you think about the solutions.

Aug. 14: CanFit Pro

2010-08-14T15:50:00.000-07:00

As you know, the last year has been rough for me. Today was an absolute highlight for me!

My youngest daughter and I went to Toronto for the CanFit Pro Conference and Trade Show today. I was fortunate enough to get to meet Tosca Reno, who was the inspiration behind my weight loss. I wrote here about that moment that I saw her "before" picture and suddenly believed that a 40 year old overweight single mom could really do it - lose weight, change her life, and be an example for her children. It was a privilege to meet her. She was warm and friendly and seemed sincerely interested in everyone's story - and there were many of them. Here is a picture of my daughter and me with Tosca. Yep, I'm kinda geeky and pale!

My little girl, Rachel and I wandered around the many displays. There were cooking demos, weighted hula hooping, Zumba - any kind of exercise wear or equipment you could imagine and some you couldn't! We had a few "what the heck is that thing?" moments when looking at the equipment. Rachel tried every single protein bar that was cut into sample sized pieces and decided quite definitely she does not care for protein bars.

We ended up back at the Oxygen booth and got to meet Bob Kennedy. What a nice man! I wasn't quite sure what to expect after reading some of his more acerbic comments in his editorials, but he could not have been kinder. He asked Rachel if she ate clean also and she told him she did. He told her she was just beautiful. He asked how much I'd lost and I replied about 60 pounds. I said, "I still have a bit to go." He looked at me and said, "Not that much - you're looking pretty good." Now coming from Bob Kennedy, I took that as a HUGE compliment. I was nearly star struck and giddy. So then I shut up and let Amanda, one of the super nice Oxygen people, take our picture together.

We had an excellent time. Tosca is a very motivating speaker - even Rachel was pumped about good eating habits when we left. I had an excellent day sharing something I am passionate about - nutrition and fitness - with my little girl, and hopefully helping to kindle the flame for fitness in her.

On the way home, we were starving. I asked, "What do you want to eat, Rachel?"

She replied, "Well, we can't really have french fries after that!"

We settled on pitas. Rachel got a whole wheat pita with meatballs, marinara, mozzarella, and red and green peppers.

I had a flat baked Thai Beef pita - also on whole wheat - it was so delicious! I was pretty astounded to discover that it had just under 500 calories and 28 whopping grams of protein! (Sorry Tosca - I'm still a calorie counter - but a clean one!) It was loaded with marinara sauce, red onion, mushrooms, broccoli, steak, a light sprinkling of mozzarella and a drizzle of Thai chili sauce. Yummmmm.....I'm going to recreate this one at home!

Aside from this meal, my day has not been a protein winner, I'm going to have a protein shake as an evening snack.

m1: Bagel with light cheddar and butter, berries
m2: the above deliciousness
m3: pita crisps with light ranch dip
m4: protein float

Okay, today was not a nutritional goldmine. Tomorrow is weekly food prep and I have some spectacular foods to make! I'll take pictures and also go over my weekly food prep plan - I haven't done that in quite a while!

Aug. 13: Recipe Friday!

2010-08-13T11:32:00.000-07:00

Friday sounds like a great day to brighten things up with some new recipes. I really like EASY foods that are wholesome and nutritious but satisfy wicked cravings for things like chicken wings and nachos and other foods I don't want to regularly indulge in.

BUFFALO CHICKEN SALAD

Buffalo Chicken Breast:

1 serving of grilled or baked chicken breast, cut into bite-sized pieces

Frank's Red Hot sauce, to taste

1 tbsp honey

1 tbsp low carb BBQ sauce of choice

Salad:

1 cup fresh baby spinach

shredded carrots and celery

cherry tomatoes

1-2 tbsp freshly crumbled bleu cheese

2 tbsp fat free Ranch dressing

1.) In a large plastic food storage container with a lid, combine Frank's, honey and BBQ sauce with a fork until well mixed.

2.) Add chicken breast, put the lid on and shake vigorously to coat with the sauce.

3.) Meanwhile, make the salad by layering spinach, carrots, celery and tomato.

4.) Top the salad with yummy sauce covered chicken, sprinkle with blue cheese, and toss with fat free Ranch dressing.

(Note: When I am making this for myself, I just dump the salad fixings on top of the chicken in the storage container, add dressing, put the lid back on and shake again. It's not the most beautiful presentation, but you can always light a candle and put it on a plate if you're into that!)

YOGURT YUMMINESS

(This is my favorite too-lazy-to-make-anything-but-I-know-I-need-to-eat meal. I have it numerous times a week and also use it for an on-the-go meal in my cooler bag when I don't have leftovers I want to take.)

3/4 cup non-fat yogurt of choice ( I usually use Greek or organic vanilla)

1 serving of vanilla protein powder

1/2 cup of in-season or frozen fruit

1/4 cup Kashi cereal or other healthy granola

1.) In a serving container, mix the protein powder with the yogurt, using a fork to blend well. You will get a pudding-like consistency.

2.) Top with fruit and granola - that's it!

(Note: as a to-go meal, take the granola separately and add just before eating. Also, the consistency of the yogurt thins down a bit as it sits, so if you are like me, consider a bib!)

Enjoy your weekend!

Aug 12: Curses, Foiled Again!

2010-08-12T17:37:00.000-07:00

Today I discovered a special, particularly intense form of torture. Do you want the good news or the bad news first?

Okay, I'll give you the good news. I was fortunate enough to get a freelance gig editing a cookbook! Woohoo! Hooray on the career front - what a thoroughly pleasant way to spend a day. I spoke to intelligent people, got to read all day long surrounded by other people reading and working quietly on their computers. It was work in the industry I am trying really hard to break into. How awesome is that? I'll answer for you - pretty darned awesome.

The bad news - I didn't take enough food. I ate breakfast in the car and brought a great, filling meal with me. Unfortunately, I ate that meal at 11 am and didn't leave until after 5. Add to that looking at stunning photographs of luscious-looking food, reading the decadent descriptions and scanning the recipe for errors.

This, my friends, was a special level of hell. I was really hungry - like the light-headed kind of hungry - and I was reading about things I would absolutely love to eat at that very second. Because things got off to a late start this morning, if I had left to get something to eat, I wouldn't have had time to finish the assignment So I sucked it up and got the job done. I did have some Diet Coke, which is my own personal form of crack right now, but I survived and even made pleasant, somewhat coherent conversation.

Despite the hunger pangs, it was the best day at work ever - I so hope that this is a step in the right direction for my career!

Now for the really bad news. I was driving home, and of course, I was stuck in traffic. I knew after creeping along for twenty minutes that there was no way I'd make it home in an hour to have the healthy meal I had prepared there, so I crossed three honking, angry lanes of traffic because I saw a Wendy's sign. I didn't just cave a little and make healthy choices.

Oh no.

You know me. Go hard or go home. I shoulda gone home.

In my defense, I immediately threw away half of the fries. And I had a Fresca (0 calorie drink!!!)

I'm guessing that doesn't really make up for the DOUBLE cheeseburger, though, huh.

So........

Today's Eats:

m1: whole grain organic English muffin, dried cranberries, natural peanut butter, and skim milk

m2: Greek yogurt mixed with protein powder, a ton of blueberries, and Kashi cereal

m3: Wendy's double cheeseburger, half an order of fries

(See - even the font is blushing.)

Well, I made it a whole two and a half days before caving, but at least I didn't have sugar. Tomorrow is a fresh start, just like always.

The beautiful thing about going off your plan is going right back on it. When you go right back on it, you've had a minor "blip". When you get yourself into trouble, when you fail is when you say, "Well, I already blew it with that cheeseburger, I might as well have some ice cream now!" When you say that, it is a greasy slide to chub, my friends. We always have another chance to get things right the very next meal.

How am I rebounding from this "blip"? A nice walk with the dog and great eats tomorrow. I concocted an idea in my head on the drive home today - so we will see if it's as good in reality as it was in my brain! Look for recipes - at least one - tomorrow!

Aug 11: Food, at last....

2010-08-11T09:52:00.000-07:00

This pile of deliciousness will stand between me and the vicious triangle of starvation and junk food!

I got skim milk, cheese and Greek yogurt. Veggies are broccoli, cauliflower, tomatoes and spinach. Protein sources include chicken breasts, xlean ground turkey and xlean ground chicken (they mix together for spectacular meatballs!). I got some salsa that doesn't contain a lot of sugar and ickyness, as well as Kraft Pure Raspberry Yogurt dressing (so delicious on a broccoli/cauliflower salad.)

Just a little inspiration for the days ahead!

Aug. 11: A Topic Escapes Me

2010-08-11T06:37:00.000-07:00

Really, I tried to focus and come up with a scintillating topic that I would discuss with you today.

I got nothin'.

So, I'll just ramble

Yesterday I stuck to my no sugar plan. It nearly killed me, I will tell you that. I stared at the goodies in the vending machine while I ate my Kashi cereal. People probably find me quite strange. I didn't cave, though, and that is the important part.

I didn't stick to my eating plan exactly, but I stayed on the straight and narrow. I had:

m1: grilled chicken, oven sweet potato fries
m2: spinach salad, taco style w/ blue corn tortillas and ground turkey
m3: (at midnight eek) whole grain, organic English muffin w/ a little butter

snacks: Greek yogurt and berries, kashi cereal

A bit high carb and low protein, but all in all, I would consider the day a dietary success.

Today's plan: I have to hit the grocery store. MUST hit the grocery store, or I will starve to death. Or eat at McDonald's.

Meal Plan:
m1: Turkey bacon, egg and English muffin sandwich
m2: grilled chicken, broccoli
m3: another taco salad (so good!)

Snacks: Greek yogurt w/ protein powder, some kind of fresh fruit obtained on today's shopping trip

The night shift at the job I'm working is kicking my butt. I hate working nights. I'm constantly tired and lethargic because this is so opposite my natural body rhythm. Workouts have been non-existent, aside from walking the dog.

Maybe lack of sleep is why I'm so rambly and unfocused. Maybe I'll take a nap.................

Aug 10: Sugar is the Devil

2010-08-10T07:44:00.000-07:00

............ The cold spoon slides between my lips. I run my tongue over the top of it and the flavor of the ice cream deluges my taste buds. The overwhelming sensations, the sweetness, the coldness, the texture like melting satin in my mouth........Again and again, I dip the spoon in the carton, revelling in the sugar, the glorious sugar........................

Sugar, my friends, is the devil dressed up as Brad Pitt, Johnny Depp and Antonio Banderas, all rolled up into one enticing, decadent package.

One bite and you just want more and more...........the cravings don't stop. Insatiably, I want more sugar. It's two of the Seven Deadly Sins, Gluttony and Lust, rolled up into one big fat temptation that is nearly irresistible.

Why? Why is it so hard to resist?

Well, refined sugar causes the same effect on the human brain as heroin! Sugar and heroin both cause the production of dopamine, a neurotransmitter that causes stimulation in the brain that feels positive. In animal studies, scientists have discovered that the lab rats will perform nearly any task when rewarded with dopamine. Dopamine is key in the treatment of drug addictions.

So once you invite it back into your life, it's like a bad house guest - it leads you astray and is nearly impossible to kick out.

My goal this week is NO SUGAR. I need a week long detox to get rid of the horrific sugar cravings coursing through my body. I'm actually "jonesing" for sugar.

I also need to cut out my artificial sweeteners again. When we ingest artificial sweeteners, it confuses the body. Our body goes searching for the easily digestible calories of sugar, can't find them, and in turn, this triggers feelings of hunger.

I had decided that now that I'm maintaining, having a bit of sugar here and there would not be a problem. Then here and there became here and here, and I was eating sweets every day. A cupcake one day, ice cream another day, a handful of jelly beans the next. And suddenly, I was back at square one with the sugar, craving it constantly.

I'm thinking that "occasionally" must mean just that. "On Occasion".

Occasion: n, [əˈkeɪʒən] 1. A significant event. 2. Something that provides a reason or justification; a ground.. 3. A large or important social gathering.

Supper is not an occasion. Because it's free is not an occasion. Because it-looks-really-good-and-I-haven't-had-that-in-a-long-time is not an occasion.

Sugar is the devil. I'm sending it back to hell where it belongs.

Aug. 10: Little Victories

2010-08-10T06:48:00.000-07:00

The dance is because yesterday I managed to stick to my eating plan without veering off it. It was so hard. I forgot to empty the change out of the bottom of my purse and had to talk myself out of using it in the vending machine. My blueberries were in a Ziploc bag and got squished, so that was my "reason" that I should have a vending machine snack. However, I persevered and ate my squished blueberries.

In a way I feel like I am starting all over again on a diet plan. I'm not rabidly trying to lose weight right now. Although I am not where I want to be, I am at a healthy weight, so my number one priority is maintaining.

It's frustrating because these good habits should be ingrained by now and one month of stress and it all went out the window.

I'm putting the brakes on all that, though, and if that means starting over, then I'm starting over.

One of the things that I did previously that helped keep my spirits up was listing my little victories of the day, no matter how small. They are not all food and exercise related either - just positive accomplishments.

#1. Eating squished blueberries instead of getting something from the vending machine
#2. Consulting a lawyer about ex-husband issues and learning what my options are
#3. Left the house nice and tidy when I went to work (so nice to come home to)
#4. Refilled prescriptions before I actually ran out of them
#5. Submitted an article to a magazine
#6. Ate only what was on my food plan

Yep, I know these are little things, but they worked together for me. I can feel proud of the fact that I ate well, did not procrastinate, and educated myself about my legal situation instead of just worrying about it.

Today's Meal Plan

m1: yogurt with protein powder, mixed berries, and Kashi
m2: grilled chicken, sweet potato fries
m3: Spinach salad, taco style, with ground turkey, blue corn tortillas and salsa

Snacks: natural pb and crackers, hmmmmmmm.....out of fresh fruit, maybe a handful of Kashi cereal and raisins

Looks like I will have to drag myself out to the store soon - pickings are getting kind of slim! Running out of healthy food is NOT an option.

Thanks for all the wonderful positive feedback! I truly appreciate the support!

Aug 9: See? Told you I'd be back!

2010-08-09T06:32:00.000-07:00

It's painful for me to admit this, but I have NOT completely conquered my emotional eating issues, as I had previously thought.

I am not capable of having the above foods in my house and eating them in moderation.

On the bright side, I don't need to purge the chips and ice cream from my house, because I ate it all.

I hopped on the scale this morning, and I am still holding steady but I won't be for long eating like I did this past weekend. I had a few healthy things but I also had:

pizza

ice cream

McDonald's Angus Burger

half an order of McDonald's fries

ice cream

an entire bag of Barbecue Ruffles

and more ice cream

Did I mention that I had some ice cream?

Clearly, this is not the nutritional pattern of someone who is going to maintain a substantial weight loss. So the above items simply cannot reside in the same house with me.

I'm not saying I can never have a cheeseburger again, or potato chips, or ice cream, but I need to only get single servings, and not all at the same time.

Now I have to detox again from all of that sugar, the high fat intake and the nasty chemicals.

I'm off to a good start because my kitchen is free of all the crap. The last of the ice cream has just gone into the outdoor garbage, to melt and get stinky. The rest of the food will hopefully be pooped out, unabsorbed by my body.

Yesterday I prepped some healthy eats for the week. I made two big salads - one Greek and one garden. I made a huge batch of succulent chicken breasts, and cooked up a pound of ground turkey with Mexican seasonings. I have loads of fruit, Greek yogurt, protein powder, eggs and egg whites, and some organic English muffins with no nasty chemicals in them.

The next strategy is leaving my wallet at home. Apparently, I am completely incapable of having change and not hitting the vending machines at work.

So......

PREPPED FOOD

NO JUNK IN THE HOUSE

NO MONEY OR DEBIT CARD IN MY WALLET

PACK SOMETHING HEALTHY TO EAT FOR EVERY BREAK AT WORK

Today's Menu:

Meal 1: English muffin w/ a little real butter, 1 egg

Meal 2: Greek Yogurt w/ protein powder, berries, granola

Meal 3: grilled chicken, Greek Salad, Homemade vinaigrette

Snacks:

Blueberries

Natural PB and crackers

Now all I've gotta do is stick with it!